College relationships can be really confusing. After being in a committed relationship for a long time I really never knew all the gray areas in relationships. Becoming single in college was definitely a rude awakening for me. I’ve learned that there are several different types of relationships that exist. Tie in texting/social media/binge drinking and that only complicates things more. So with that said, I’d like to take some time to reflect on the different relationships that exist in college and what they actually mean.
1) Hooking Up
“We’re hooking up” is a phrase that can be complicated. Some identify hooking up as fucking while others just take it as any type of sexual relations. Typically, I see it as the latter. Although hooking up can include sex, I don’t think it necessarily has to. After my dad asked me if I was going to “hook up” with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile that was coming to town, I think that maybe the older generation would benefit more from a definition. Anyway, I think we can all agree that hooking up consists of some sort of lady parts or pee pee action (I’m 12 sorry). Hooking up is usually fun. You’ve found someone you can fool around with, without strings. I’ve found these things usually end two ways: because of boredom, or one person wanting more out of it. Hooking up can be different than friends with benefits solely on the fact that maybe you were never friends. So generally speaking when someone says they’re hooking up with someone, they’re fooling around, but it hasn’t amounted to anything yet.
Best advice: Not take it too seriously. If all you’re doing is fooling around, odds are that is all it will ever be.
2) Friends with Benefits
Friends with benefits. Seems so practical, right? Wrong…well mostly. Basically two of the main things needed in successful relationships are being friends, and being attracted to one another. So if you’re attracted to a friend it’s pretty difficult to then hook up with them and then not gain feelings. I mean you already liked them enough to consider them your friend so it’s somewhat natural to develop feelings after hooking up. I’m not saying it’s impossible to be friends with benefits but definitely tough. All I can say is that this isn’t something that lasts long. It usually ends in either a relationship or a loss of friendship. Sometimes it can end and you can still maintain your friendship but it’s likely that it will never be the same.
best advice: before entering one of these you should really sit yourself down and think about your end goal. If one partner openly just wants a no strings attached deal and you might possibly want something more, don’t torture yourself. Really figure out if it’s worth it.
3) The kind of friends with benefits
So yeah, I kind of made up this term up but hear me out. You meet someone and you sorta become friends but your friendship contains a lot of flirting and shit. So eventually maybe you hook up. I see this situation as much better than friends with benefits. You know each other, but your relationship was based on a lot of flirting from the beginning so it’s inevitable that it will happen. Under this circumstance, if it ends poorly it feels a lot less worse. You were never great friends to begin with so you don’t feel at a total loss. This kind of friends with benefits is my preferred option. Although, there is the shitty side of things because this is also sorta how relationships start. Fuck.
Best advice: I guess I’d give the same advice as I did with friends with benefits which is establishing what you truly want. I’ll be honest though I’ve successfully lived through the kind of friends with benefits. WOOO go me.
4) We’re talking
The phrase “we’re talking” is the most nonchalant way of saying you’re very very into someone but can’t admit that yet. In the world of college relationships, a lot less time is spent talking and more is spent ripping off each others clothes. When you’ve been “talking” to someone whether it be texting or in person, it usually means you have more interest than just ripping their clothes off. On the other hand, it can mean someone might be talking to you with the end goal of ripping your clothes off.
Best advice: Take this slow.
5) The maybe something
I feel like everyone has to have one of these. It’s someone that you have a “maybe” with. Maybe you’ll date, maybe you’ll hookup, the potential is there but you aren’t totally sure. It just hasn’t happened yet. Generally with these people there is no rush to pursue anything. From my experience it’s usually someone that isn’t necessarily my type so I can’t figure out right away what I want from them. Just a maybe.
Best advice: Let the maybe hang there until you know it’s a yes. Don’t talk yourself into thinking it’s a yes because maybe there is a reason it’s been a maybe for so long. Ya feel me?
6) The back-burner guy
There are two types of this guy. You had a shitty night, the guy you had your eye on fucked you over, better call up the backburner guy! The first one is there to cuddle, listen to you rant about how Jason was all over some other skank at Pike, and hopefully get the chance to kiss you. If not he’s totally down for snugs. He’ll be there for you. He kinda chills in the friend zone in your mind and is an afterthought. Chances are he’s obsessed with you. Yeah he’s definitely in love with you.
Best advice: let him go if you don’t want anything out of it. You can handle a night to yourself.
The other type of this guy is kind of a shit head. He’s similar to the last guy in that you usually call him when you’re feeling lousy. Pretty much to fuck. This guy sucks and doesn’t give a shit. He’ll probably pull a “I have to get up early tomorrow morning” after you have sex to avoid a sleepover. He’ll fuck you and that will temporarily make you feel something.That something will then probably fade to nothing.
Best advice: lose this guy he’s a jerk.
7) The Ex:
The ex is so much all at once. He could be the one that got away or the one you were practically pushing out the door. No matter how it ended it always tends to be complex. Maybe, just maybe you made out fine and are still friends but it doesn’t usually end that way. You might hook up a couple times after it ends, do things to try to make him jealous, call him late at night when you’re lonely.
Best advice: Don’t hookup with him, don’t try to make him jealous, don’t call him late at night when you’re lonely. He’s an ex for a reason. Let.it.be.
8) The Friendzone:
One of you likes the other but it’s just never gonna happen.
Best advice: Don’t torture the guy. I kinda hate when people bitch about being in the friendzone unless someone is crossing the line. If you know he likes you don’t insist on sleeping in his bed, cuddling, etc.
9) The off-limits guy
This guy tortures you. He could be a teacher, someone with a girlfriend, or maybe your ex’s best friend. Either way you want him. You want him bad but you can’t have him. He’s off limits. You’re careful but you can’t help but flirt. You probably know under different circumstances it could work. It drives you crazy.
Best advice: There is honestly something hot about a guy who is off limits. As hot as he might be, going after it could possibly end terribly so it’s best to stay as far away as you can.
10) The perfect guy:
and to really drill this image into your head:
I could go on but I’ll refrain. Also, Leo gets two because it’s Leo. Anyway hopefully that helped you get the point. Some might not classify this as a relationship but it is. He’s everything. You’re so emotionally invested it’s ridiculous. You probably have a name for him along the lines of “Mr.Perfect”, “Mr. Beautiful” etc. You know his name. Probably even his middle name. And his major, his group of friends, blood type, social security number. JK. If you ever don’t call him by his title you’ve given him you can’t just simply say his name. It isn’t just “Steve” it’s “Steeeeeevvvveeeee” accompanied by drooling and heavy breathing. Even though he is probably somehow unattainable you just can’t help but love him.
Best advice: hold onto this love. There is no man like the Mr. Beautiful. Even being able to look at him is a gift.