The 8 Worst Things About Your First Week of Work

1. You automatically feel guilty because everyone knows your name and you don’t know who the fuck anyone is

At a new job, it’s easy for everyone else to learn your name because you’re just one new face. Being the new person on the other hand can be difficult. Learning names takes time and it’s incredibly awkward to have to ask someone more than once what their name is. And instead of just being upfront and asking for their name again, you’ll most likely just stare at them until you get their attention or approach them in any way that doesn’t involve you having to say their name.

2. You have no idea how to interact with any of your coworkers.

The first few days of work is like walking on eggshells. You have no idea what your coworkers are like and what makes them tick. It’s frustrating to feel left out of the jokes and believe that you can’t contribute to the conversation for fear of making things awkward or offending someone. My advice- just nod profusely and laugh politely every time your co worker makes a joke they clearly saw on Pinterest.

3.  You can’t tell the difference between tasks your boss expects you to know and ones your boss doesn’t expect you to know.

When you get a new job there are obviously tasks and duties that you have no idea how to complete. The awkward part is that there are also tasks that your boss expects you to know how to do, even if they are things you have no experience with. Often times I find myself sitting in front of my computer spending 45 minutes trying to use a program or complete a task before I realize there’s no way I’m going to complete it. My advice- ask your boss for help. While they may be surprised or possibly upset that you don’t know how to do something, they’ll be happy that you were up front and didn’t waste your time pretending you know what you’re doing.

4. You don’t know what’s up for grabs in the office

During your first week of work you want to make a good impression. You don’t want your boss and coworkers to think you’re a gluttonous bitch. At the same time, if there are bagels up for grabs in the office then it’s your duty as an American to consume them. If you don’t feel comfortable asking your boss, discreetly ask a coworker what the policy is regarding office food. And if there is no food just pack a bag of Chips Ahoy and consume them ravenously while you’re going to the “bathroom.”

5. Getting up early

Because if God really loved us then no one would ever have to get up before 10 am.

6. Not knowing how to spend your lunch break.

The first week at work is a lot like Cady Heron’s first week in high school. You’ll get stressed over the fact that you have no friends to each lunch with at the office and most likely consume your sloppily made PB&J in the bathroom or on some random park bench. Ask a coworker what their lunch plans are and see if you can join them. People tend to be nice to the newbies so don’t be afraid to reach out. And if you’re just too awkward to do that then go to Panera bread and eat boatloads of carbs while using their wi-fi to stalk all of your friends who don’t have to work.

7. Being treated like you’re an idiot.

As the new person in the office chances are that people will underestimate your intelligence and abilities. In their defense, you most likely don’t know what you’re doing and need direction to complete a task properly. At the same time, however, people should give you a bit more credit. You most likely know how to answer a phone or enter basic data into an Excel spreadsheet. Not everyone’s first week is like Tyra Bank’s in Life Size. And by that I mean not all of us are barbie dolls brought to life by a pre-cocaine Lindsay Lohan.

8.) The feeling of inadequacy when you are unable to do something correctly.

It’s frustrating when we can’t complete what we initially thought were easy tasks. It’s even more frustrating when you leave your job feeling like you didn’t finish what you needed to do. But don’t sweat it, it’s your first week! You’re not supposed to know what you’re doing. So just take a deep breath, accept that you’re clueless as fuck, and try not to think about work when you go home.

 

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