The Definitive Ranking of Avengers

Hulk

The Hulk is essentially every drunk college frat douche but green. He runs around a lot, mumbles incoherent phrases and smashes things just because he can. And when he’s not green, he’s just a passive aggressive scientist named Bruce. Not impressed.

Hawkeye

Hawkeye is pretty much the most useless of the Avengers. Sure he’s talented with a bow and arrow but he lacks the strength needed to actually be a formidable opponent. Also he’s like 5’7- and I’m 5’7- which means he’s pretty much the size of a hamster.  Let’s just save that crossbow for a much better hero: Katniss.

Nick Fury

So Nick Fury isn’t technically be an Avenger…but he is played by Samuel L. Jackson which makes it impossible for me to not include him on this list. Nick may be kind of a douche, as may Samuel L. Jackson, but he rocks the eye patch and he’s impossible to kill.

Thor

You know when there’s a really hot guy in your class that you totally want to bone until you hear his voice and how stupid he is? That guy is Thor. Sure he’s a god and has biceps that make me quiver sexually just by thinking about them, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t dull as fuck. He’s just not interesting- even when shooting lightning from the sky or throwing a hammer. Natalie deserves better, Thor!

Captain America

In my opinion, Captain America is by far the hottest of the Avengers. With that being said, he’s kind of a whiny bitch and his overactive moral compass can be quite irritating. Also his main power is throwing a shield which is cool but also like what? He’s less annoying than Thor though so he gets spot number 3.

Black Widow

For some reason I don’t like Scarlett Johansson. It’s probably because I think she’s not as pretty as everyone says…but it could also be that I just hated her character in Home Alone 3. Anyways- she’s BAD ASS in the Avengers. She’s cunning, witty and she can knock you down in a second. She may not have her own movie, but she’s definitely one of the most fascinating and compelling Avengers out there.

Iron Man

Iron Man is the greatest avenger solely because Robert Downey Jr. is the best. He’s funny, complex and he built a fucking flying robot suit which is super impressive. Sure his suit may malfunction from time to time but he’s the only one on the team besides The Hulk who is remotely intelligent. He’s essentially the Spencer Hastings of the team and God knows how much I love Spencer.

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