1.) Seriously share articles that are clearly satirical or blatantly untrue.
I’m not a doctor or anything pero like you sharing a picture isn’t going to save some child’s life.
2.) Comment on someone else’s wall post
Newsflash bitches, if my friend writes on my wall it means he was trying to talk to ME! If you didn’t receive an evite to this conversation please see yourself out.
3.) Not wish me a Happy Birthday on my wall.
If you’re online and we’re friends then you are socially obligated to wish me a “Happy Birthday”. If you don’t just know that I will actually begin to plot your death.
4.) Invite everyone to your Facebook events.
Okay, so here’s the deal- if we’re not friends then please DO NOT invite me to your birthday party/college event/bar mitzvah of your cousin. Chances are you don’t actually need to invite all 900 of your Facebook friends and if we haven’t spoken or seen each other in three years than chances are I don’t want to go to your party anyways.
5.) Using hashtags in a non-ironic way
People who use hashtags on Facebook are the reason why I support euthanasia.
6.) Update us on every insignificant life event
Facebook statuses are only justifiable for a few things: telling a funny joke or really interesting story, sharing exciting news or looking for suggestions. DO NOT tell us every little thing that goes on with your life. Also, if you make more than 3 statuses per day please realize that you’re annoying. And like even more annoying than I am.
7.) Tagging people in statuses or doing weird chain mail.
I REALLY don’t give a shit what you’re grateful for or who you think should play Elphaba in Wicked…but I will still most likely read it anyways.
8.) Make overly positive statuses
This may sound like the rantings of a bitter person, but being positive 24/7 is ANNOYING! Good for you that you’re happy but please stop making your life seem like it’s perfect. Congratulations your life is better than everyone else’s, go shave your back now.
9.) Sharing photos on both Instagram and Facebook
Isn’t this like overkill? I mean are your pictures really so great that you need to share them twice? Like maybe that slice of pizza was really delicious but please sit down.
10. Facebook messenger
So this isn’t technically someone people do….I just wanted a public forum to say that Facebook messenger is the fucking worst and that Mark Zuckerberg is a life ruiner.