The Definitive Ranking of the Last 5 Super Bowl Halftime Shows

This Sunday candy coated pop princess Katy Perry will be performing at the 75th (like I know) Super Bowl. While it’s TBD whether her performance will be a “Roar” or not, we thought it would be fun to rank the last 5 Superbowl halftime shows from best to worst. Because let’s face it- judgment of pop performances and glitter are the only things making us football hating gays and gals tuning in.

The Black Eyed Peas

Bridgestone Super Bowl XLV Halftime Show

In 2011, the Black Eyed Peas performed at the Superbowl and essentially defecated on the American public. Fergie’s cover of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” with Slash was more offensive than the Taliban National Anthem and the whole event was a bizarre homage to Nick Cannon’s Drumline. The main issue with the performance- the Black Eyed Peas just aren’t good. They’re a bunch of weird, Daft Punk ass wannabes with limited musical abilities. Not even sexpot Usher could save this monstrosity of a performance.

The Who

2010 belonged to the Who(?) and while it’s nice to have rock bands perform, old people just aren’t as fun to watch. They’re less mobile and people who are unfamiliar with their work are likely to feel disconnected from the performance. Maybe my issue with them is that I think the halftime show should pick an artist that satisfies the football hating audience members who watch the game only for the halftime performance. And by that I mean- stick to pop, please.

Madonna

Madonna, the Illuminati queen that she is, always knows how to put on a good show. It even almost makes up the fact that she has not sang live since  at least 2003. Emphasis on almost. The whole performance-while entertaining-was a hot mess. From the LMFAO guy bouncing on a rope to MIA flipping off the camera, Madonna’s show was all over the place. Madonna was at her best when she was performing throwbacks-because let’s face it, MDNA was a garbage album. #buyApplauseOnItunes

Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars has come a long way since that time he was caught snorting coke in a hotel bathroom. His performance was electric and well executed, even if his doo wop act may not be for everyone. It was nice to see sexy little Bruno dance and sing his heart out, although the Red Hot Chili Peppers almost derailed the entire show with their performance. Dani California would not have been proud of them.

Beyonce

Queen Bey slayed us only to give us life once again. She OWNED the stage and audience from the moment she walked out and gave us her sexiest performance to date. And what was even better- she did an act of charity and let Michelle Williams perform in front of an audience, if even for a moment. It was nice to have a Destiny’s Child reunion, although all attention was on Beyoncé as it should have been because she’s #flawless.

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