1.) You have the audacity to update your social media whilst ignoring text messages from your friends.
Carol, you effin’ bitch, how dare you ignore my text message and then send me a mass Snapchat!
2.) Plans with you are always tentative (AKA, you’ll make plans with someone and then bail on them last minute if something better comes up.)
Don’t be a two timing hoe, hunny!
3.) Whenever someone asks you to hang out you respond by saying:
“I don’t have any money”
“I don’t feel like going out 😦 ”
“Can’t we just hang out at my place?”
Put on your jeggings bitch because we are going out 2nite, OKAY!?
4.) You treat group texts like they’re your own personal diary and torture your friends with needless updates on your life.
Who do you think you are, Lizzie McGuire?
5.) You’re more than willing to delete an Instagram post of you and your friend if it doesn’t get enough likes.
Don’t blame me for having no likes, blame your lame ass hashtags!
6.) You post the same photo to both Instagram and Facebook, as if what you are doing is SO interesting that it warrants being seen twice.
No one cares about your morning yoga session!
7.) You will sub tweet the shit out of a friend before confronting them about whatever is going on.
If only I could punch you through a computer screen.
8.) You post links to articles on Facebook 24/7 and tag all of your friends in it.
I get it, the dog’s cute, but did you really need to tag me in this nonsense?
9.) You always have to borrow money whenever you go out, or worse, you say you’ll Venmo your friends and then NEVER do it.
I’m going to stand right next to you and watch you Venmo me for those nachos.
10.) When it comes to group dinners you NEVER bring enough money to actually cover your part of the bill.
Don’t act surprised that there’s tax and tip; if you don’t have enough money to eat out please stay at home.
11.) Instead of saying you simply don’t want to hang out you come up with extremely elaborate and illogical excuses to get out of plans.
Even if your grandma really did fall down the stairs she has Life Alert so you should still be able to hang out.
12.) YOU EAT ALL OF THE FUCKING SNACKS!
You better buy me more Doritos.
13.) Your friends know better than to ever expect you to return clothes you borrow from them.
I spent hard earned money on that sweatshop crop top!
14.) You are ALWAYS the drunkest girl at the party and it takes a small army to get you home at the end of the night.
Where’s my Purple Heart for getting you home?