I like to start off this article by saying I truly enjoy Ariana Grande’s music and think she’s a talented vocal artist. With that being said, she’s just straight up 666.

1.) She expressed anti-American sentiments and violated the sanctity of donuts like some sort of pop princess terrorist.

Okay Ariana, maybe the U.S. does have a problem with obesity, but did you really have to go and lick all of those fucking donuts?! You are a twenty two year old woman, not a 13 year old boy with one pube on his balls and something to prove, so act like an adult, you hood rat pillow faced motherfucker!

2.) The lyrics in her songs are unintelligible…..because they’re secretly demonic chants!

I have listened to “Break Free” a million times and I still have absolutely no idea what she’s even saying. For all I know the song was just a pop radio attempt at summoning Cthulhu and releasing a plague of demons upon the Earth.

3.) She shares DNA with Frankie Grande, who is possibly the most atrocious thing to happen to reality TV since Basketball Wives.

I don’t generally think we should be performing lobotomies this day and age but for FG I’d make an exception.

4.) She only photographs on her right side.

She claims she only likes to have her “good side” photographed, but I’m convinced she’s secretly just one dimensional like a flounder.

5.) She dresses like a baby prostitute.

I don’t have a problem with babies or prostitutes but there is something off putting about combining their aesthetics.

6.) She wears fucking horns 24/7 and thinks she can get away with it by calling them “cat ears”.

Do you know who else has cat ears? CHERNABOG!