1.) You’d have to single-handedly save the elephant population or take a picture of yourself curing cancer to get more than 15 likes on Instagram.
My little sister could post a picture of her taking a shit and it would still get more likes than whatever hot garbage I upload.
2.) You can’t even begin to pretend to know what Periscope is.
So it’s like a live feed? Is it like Vine but less gay?
3.) Your ideal Friday night consists of getting drunk off a $10 bottle of wine and watching The Princess Diaries, Clueless, or any J-Lo movie.
When I die I will most likely have spent 40% of my life having watched RuPaul’s Drag Race reruns…well, is it considered a rerun is you actively look for it on the Internet?
4.) Your only frame of reference when it comes to pop culture is whatever you heard the thirteen year old girls on your subway talking about.
OMG did u here about Taylor Swift’s twitter feud wit Nicki Minaj? Talk bout DRAMAAAAAAA!!
5.) You spend more time in your bed than the grandparents from Willy Wonka.
I consider myself to be a self taught invalid.
6.) Your preferred conversation topics include (and are limited to) the shows you are watching on Netflix.
“OMG you’re a lawyer? That’s like so funny b/c I just spent the last 4 days watching Law & Order”
7.) You have to Urban Dictionary 90% of the slang words you hear people say.
8.) You believe that anyone under the age of 21 is a legitimate fetus.
If you can’t drink alcohol in public like what am I supposed to do with you?
9.) You’ve hidden 90% of people on your Facebook timeline to avoid any and all posts involving engagements, weddings, dream jobs or pregnancies.
It’s upsetting that I’m now at the point in my life where people from high school getting pregnant is no longer considered controversial.
10.) You need a caffeine IV drip.
If I haven’t had a medium iced coffee yet, please kindly fuck off.
11.) No matter what you drink or how much you drink of it you will always experience a violent hangover the next day.
Dirty Shirley, you done did me dirty.
12.) Whether or not you go somewhere is dependent upon if there will be food….and if that food is free.
“I’m not going to that dinner party…..wait, there’s going to be a cheese platter? Fuck, I’ll go grab my coat.”