THE WORST

Dana

There are only two things you need to know about Dana: she owns 25,000 dollar sunglasses and she may or may not be a severe alcoholic. During her brief stint on the show she didn’t really do too much, except be annoying and talk about all the sex she was having. In fact, she ties with Marissa Zanuck, who wasn’t even mentioned on this list, as the most irrelevant “Friend of the Housewives”

^Lol what are you even trying to do?

Faye

Where do I even begin with the morally corrupt Faye Resnick? For starters, she looks like Randall from Monster’s Inc after years of  routine botox abuse. Even though she wasn’t an actual housewife, she created so much unnecessary drama in attempt to make herself relevant. But I can’t blame her, I’d try to make it big on Real Housewives if the only two things I was known for was being the bitchy friend of a murder victim and posing for Playboy Magazine.


Kim

Kim Richards was once a somewhat famous actress, but now she spends her free time making weird faces in the mirror and buying fugly scarves. In the first season, she struggled with an alcohol addiction, for which she has been treated, but besides that Kim hasn’t brought much to the show apart from fighting with her sister and rambling on about things that make no sense. In fact, she’s barely ever on the show. She does get points for calling Brandi Glanville a “slut pig” though.

 


Seriously, is that a scarf or is it part of the shirt? I NEED TO KNOW, KIM!

Taylor

Poor Taylor. This just hasn’t been her month…year…decade… She’s like a Lifetime Movie from Hell. It’s hard to not feel bad for because she’s been dealt a really shitty hand in life, but at the same time she’s just kind of a crazy bitch. Taylor loves to stir the pot and create drama and you never know how she actually feels about people because she’s always acting phony. And she also ate cotton candy like this, which is pretty unforgivable:

Yolanda Foster

There are three things that Yolanda brings to RHOBH: a dutch accent, severe bitchy resting face and yoga. She’s only been on the show for a season, so it’s hard to have a real opinion on her, although she’s made it quite clear that she doesn’t have time for the girls and their petty drama. I feel compelled to not be too critical of her- mostly because she seems like the type who may be a bounty hunter in her spare time and I’m not really looking for her to show up on my doorstep with a crossbow.

 

Look at her. SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFYING.

 

THE BEST

Adrienne Maloof

Adrienne Maloof is a woman of controversy. Some people love her, some people hate her, and then there’s some people (me) who just like her because the word “Maloof” is fun to say. Adrienne may have been a hard ass, but she was really rich and she was constantly throwing shade at her now ex-husband which made her entertaining to watch. And although she was wealthy, she didn’t constantly remind people of it which made her seem more grounded than the other housewives. Adrienne left the show on a sour note, but unlike some of her co-stars she actually has a business so she doesn’t really need Real Housewives.

 

Kyle

Kyle is the most relatable of the housewives. She’s not super rich, she’s fairly level-headed and she has a really cute family and a dope husband. She would be higher on the list, except she’s kind of a mega bitch who likes to make everything about her. Kyle likes to pick fights with everyone and she’s not extremely loyal to her friends, but she is quick to voice her opinion which makes her fun to watch. So she’s basically a soccer mom.

 

 

Camille

Camille was pretty much the anti-Christ of the first season. Everyone hated her and I’m pretty sure I had dreams about her getting torn apart by wolves. But then the second season rolled around and she did a complete 180. Camille was funny and low maintenance and whenever she appeared on screen it was like a breath of fresh air. And although she’s no longer going to be on the show (weeping), I’m so glad she redeemed herself and kept it classy. (Side note- she was a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, so if RuPaul likes her, that must mean she’s fabulous)

 

Brandi

I fucking love Brandi. I know that some people hate her, but I really dig her raunchiness. Brandi’s not afraid to drop F-bombs on the reg and she’s not afraid to dress sexy, which is a nice change in a city like Beverly Hills that is full of uptight, overmedicated women. She also gets in Twitter fights with LeAnn Rimes 24/7 which are always entertaining to read. LOL LeAnn you haven’t been relevant since 1997.

 

 

LISA

Lisa is my spirit animal. In fact, if I was a woman I’d want to be her. She’s British, absurdly rich, and she only sleeps with her husband on his birthday (which is something I’m planning on doing). She’s extremely witty and intelligent and while she may be nurturing, she’s not afraid to call people out on their shit (cough cough Kyle). And she’s the proud owner of Jiggy, who is the cutest dog on the planet.

And last but not least……

 

ALISON DUBOIS

I know what you’re thinking, “she’s not even a Real Housewife”. And you’re right she’s not…. and she was only in one episode, but with that being said, she is the greatest thing to ever to happen to any Real Housewives franchise.

For those who don’t know she’s a medium (aka a psychic) and the show Medium was based on her life. And she’s batshit crazy. Her favorite activities include smoking electronic cigarettes, giving the finger and predicting which women will be cheated on by their husbands.The episode she appeared in, The Dinner Party From Hell, is a classic and everything she does is complete gold.