1. The Tweener

Why is a 23 year old pre-law student texting me  “OMFG”  or “how r u :)” with a bunch of emoticons incorporated unnecessarily into the conversation? I am two years younger than you  boy, not twenty. Maybe they think it is cute or reminds me of days of looking at picture books when I couldn’t read them. They’re wrong and I’m starting to think they are illiterate or that they are afraid of lady parts and are trying to repel mine.

2. The “Abrrever”

Similar to above, this is the boy who texts you things such as “HBU” or “STFU” Sorry but alI have to say is “Baiii!” Any boy who is too lazy to type out “how about you” is definitely going to be too lazy to fill my quota of going out to fine dining establishments like Qdoba or if I’m lucky Cheesecake Factory.


3.) The I Wanna Sex You Upper

Boys are almost constantly trying to put their P’s wherever they can. Basically, you will meet a boy who loses your number until he is on his way home from the bar. Or there is the guy who always tries to make the conversation sexual. Maybe I’m just awkward but sexting make me uncomfortable. If the conversation ever turns into something of the  “what are you wearing/i want you/ what are you doing” variety I’m all like… I’m making a Pizza Bagel and watching Dance Moms.. in my Winnie the Pooh Pajamas.

4. The Over-Eager Beaver

Almost worse than all the above is the guy you aren’t interested in but hasn’t taken the hint. Short of saying you’d rather listened to only Ashanti for the rest of your life than engage in a conversation with him , you’ve dropped every hint or gone for the classic “I’ve died” unresponsiveness. As the great Destiny’s Child said, “ You make me wanna put my number on the call block, tell AOL (LOL 90’s reference) to make my email stop, break my leash so I can move cuz you a bug-a-boo, bug-a-boo.”

5. Ghost texter

It’s a two way street. You can ignore boys, boys can ignore you. This can make the ladies enter Cray Town filtering through every excuse from: he must have decided to become Amish since we last spoke to he is definitely in jail to is he an Orthodox Jew it must be involved in Shabbat. Usually I’m pretty positive it’s because I’m way out of their league and they have a deep seated fear they are a part of a lost bet (a la every movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. ) or they died.