1.) The wannabe HBIC

We’ve all had to deal with this dictatorial bitch. This is the group member who monopolizes all aspects of the project. Not only does she have the final say on everything, she takes it upon herself to do all the work on her own even though you are more than willing to do your fair share. This person isn’t here to make friends and she’s not afraid to boss you around or criticize you and your work. Sometimes this person does what what she does because she’s a type A control freak, other times it’s because she wants recognition and praise for her hard work. Either way this person is a bitch to work with, even if she does get shit done.

2.) The Moron

You know the person who is so stupid that it makes you question how they got into any college, let alone yours? That’s this person. This is the person you always have to worry about. You either have to worry that they won’t get their shit done, or that even if they get it done that you’ll have to redo it all because it’s illiterate or incomprehensible. This person just doesn’t understand what’s going on and although they may try to help, it’s better to just leave them out of the project because they are pretty much useless.

3.) The procrastinator

Like the idiot, this person drags the project down. The procrastinator is the person who has no interest in the class or the project, and they fail to meet any of the deadlines because they have “more pressing matters to attend to.” This person is capable of good work, they just choose not to do it because they’re a fucker who enjoys making the group project unnecessarily stressful for everyone involved.

4.) The Mediator

The Mediator is the group member who tries to make the best of the situation. He may not like his group members or the topic assigned, but he will try his best to play nice with the others and make sure that everything goes smoothly. This person is very focused on his academics and understands how the group project impacts his final grade, so he’ll do whatever is necessary to make sure he get a good grade in the course.

5.) The Ally

The ally is the most manipulative member of the group. She spends her time playing “friend” to the different members of the group project, trying her best to stay on the good side of her project members. She usually does very little work but that is generally excused by the fact that she is the only person in the group who doesn’t make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a fork. She’s every group member’s confidante and she’s willing to sit down and listen to you bitch about the project as long as you’re willing to speak highly of her in your group analysis at the end of the assignment.