As told by someone who unfortunately worked in the food industry.

1. Talk on the phone while ordering

I’m pretty sure it’s common knowledge that talking on the phone while ordering something is one of the most obnoxious things you could possibly do. Not only do you put the person you’re ordering from in an uncomfortable position by making them feel like they’re inconveniencing you but you slow down the entire life. If you’re ordering food for another person and they don’t know what they want then just call them before you get in line and figure out what they want. It’s not that difficult. And the conversation you’re having with your friend over Kerry Washington’s weave choice on Scandal can wait as well.

2. Expect more because you’re a regular customer

For some reason regular customers expect that they should be treated better than everyone else because they come in every day and support your business by buying a fucking one dollar muffin. Listen, Brenda/Patty/Joan or whatever the fuck your name is, just because you come here often doesn’t mean you deserve special treatment. And don’t come in here with your, “Is Hilary here? She knows exactly how to make my order” bullshit. I don’t give a shit that you’re a regular, in fact I probably hate you more because I have to see your miserable face every day. So just give me your two dollars, take your shitty coffee that is 90% cream and go watch your emotionally stunted kids play soccer terribly.

3. Substitute everything

I don’t really get people who substitute everything in the order. I mean it’s like the people who order a BLT but add chicken, get rid of the bacon, replace spinach instead of lettuce and add thousand islands dressing on the side. Bitch, what you just ordered isn’t even on our menu. If you don’t like our food then just leave but please don’t confuse me and the kitchen staff by ordering some weird food abomination. Included in this category are people who order really disgusting things. Just know,sir, if you ask for extra mayo on the side because you like to dip your french fries in it, I will personally remove you from this establishment.

4. Complain about the prices

I will never get why people do this. Read the fucking menu! And what’s worse is that these people usually complain to the cashier. Newsflash, I don’t set the prices! If you’re eating food at any other place apart from McDonalds, Wendy’s or Burger King you should know that your meal is probably going to be more than 8 dollars. So either fork over the cash and cry on the inside knowing that your bank account is below thirty dollars or GTFO.

5. Confuse everyone with your allergies.

If you have allergies you should come in with some knowledge about the things you can and cannot eat here. I’m a college student, not a fucking allergist so don’t expect me to know whether or not there’s been cross contamination. And I really don’t want you to go into anaphylactic shock and die while I’m working because I don’t get paid enough to deal with that type of shit.

6. Do stupid things in general

One day while at work I witnessed a woman bring her dog into the building. And while she ordered frozen yogurt at the counter her dog had its paws up on it as it slurped at a sample. The only reason I didn’t do anything about this was because I felt way too indifferent to care. But seriously people, why do you do stupid things like this? This wasn’t a seeing eye dog or anything it was just a normal German Shepherd. So thanks lady for bringing in your German Shepherd and violating all of our health codes, hope it was worth it.

7. Coming in right before close

While it’s true that we technically don’t close until 10 pm, don’t you think it’s a bit rude to barge in at 9:56 acting like you own the place? If you’re coming in right before close that’s fine as long as you order your shit and GTFO but if you come in at 9:55 and then sit down like you’ve got all the time in the world then we have a problem. There’s a million things the staff has to do for closing tasks and you sitting at a table talking about your incredibly lame night with your equally fugly boyfriend is getting in the way of us doing that. So please take your peasant ass somewhere else.

8. Treat employees however you want because you’re paying them

It was while working in the food industry that I first learned that human beings in general are pretty much the worst. Just because you’re paying for me to make you a frozen yogurt doesn’t mean you can treat me or speak to me however you like. You don’t own me, sir. The only reason I have this job is so I can pay for my Panera bread addiction and be able to fill up my car with gas. This job only pays 8 dollars and I have no real attachment to it. So if you continue to be a dick I will actually lose my shit and go on a 10 minute rant about how you have a small penis and severe insecurity problems before walking out on both you and this miserable establishment.