What Your Favorite Alcohol Says About You

Beer

I’m an easygoing guy/girl who may not be the most exciting in bed but the most likely to be accepted by your parental units.  I enjoy things like sports, simple denim and being at a weight that fluctuates between being fit and being fat.

Wine

I enjoy the finer things in life but I also may be somewhat of an alcoholic. I consider myself to be cultured and in need of a glass of wine to relax after a long, important day. But I may also just be a soccer mom who drinks wine heavily because it’s the most socially acceptable of alcohol choices to be addicted to.

Vodka

I’m looking to get fucked (both in the literal and figurative sense). I’m a fun, bubbly person who has a tendency to get sloppy. I’m a very happy person- I like puppies, Lily Pulitzer and getting pounded by a guy who may be out of my league when sober.

Rum

I’m kind of like a Vodka girl but I would never admit that because Vodka girls are NASTY RATCHET ASS BITCHES! I like to have a good time but I’m a little bit more laidback than most people and I pride myself on my swag.  If I’m a guy, I’m essentially the male version of the vodka bitch in the sense that I’m looking to get my sex on.

Gin

I’m one of those people that are enjoyable when sober but a complete batshit crazy bitch when under the influence of alcohol. I have a lot of acquaintances and casual friends but not too many close ones because I’m actually crazy as shit. I’m like a really fun car crash.

Whiskey

I’m the rugged type who thinks alcohol should only be for those mature enough to handle it. I kind of like the taste of poison and I may have seen a few grisly things in my life that have made me turn to alcohol. I may also be a 75 year old AARP card carrying Republican man.

Tequila

I like to get real fucked up and make bad decisions. I’m a lot of fun but a lot to handle in a party situation. Outside of partying, I’m pretty normal. It’s just that I party probably 5 nights a week. I also probably hate myself just a little bit and wake up usually hungover or feeling the need to vom everywhere.

Scotch

I’m an old man or Ron Burgundy.

Absinthe

I’m one of those people that everyone kind of avoids because I go there. Who cares if I’m certifiably insane? I think I’m a great time. And like whatever- fuck the haters.

 

 

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