Sports Terms: As Described By Someone Who Knows Nothing About Sports

 

Cut blocking

What I think it means:  When you stop your opponent from getting past you by threatening to cut them

What cut blocking actually means:  an offensive line technique that consists of an offensive player knocking a defensive player down by hitting his knees

Eligible Receiver

What I think it means: Someone who is open and can catch the ball…or the hunky single guy on the team.

What eligible receiver actually means: The only player who can  legally catch a forward pass, and only an eligible receiver may advance beyond the neutral zone if a forward pass which crosses the neutral zone is thrown.

 


Bunt

What I think it means: Like when you baby hit the ball just to get to first base.

What bunt actually means: In a bunt play, the batter loosely holds the bat in front of the plate and intentionally taps the ball into play.

Merkle’s Boner

What I think it means: Classic Steve Merkle’s always got a stiffy

What Merkle’s Boner actually means:  Merkle’s Boner refers to the notorious baserunning mistake committed by rookie Fred Merkle of the New York Giants in a game against the Chicago Cubs in 1908. Merkle’s failure to advance to second base on what should have been a game-winning hit led instead to a force out at second and a tied game.

Puck Bunny

What I think it means: Like a groupie but for hockey

What puck bunny actually means: female ice hockey fan, often one whose interest in the sport is primarily motivated by sexual attraction to the players rather than enjoyment of the game itself

Breakaway

What I think it means: Kelly Clarkson song.

What breakaway actually means:  a situation in ice hockey in which a player with the puck has no defending players, except for the goaltender, between themselves and the opposing goal, leaving them free to skate in and shoot at will (before the out-of-position defenders can catch them).


Hack a Shaq

What I think it means: Someone’s very specific murder fantasy for Shaquille O’Neal

What hack a shaq actually means:  a basketball defensive strategy initially instituted in the National Basketball Association (NBA) by former Dallas Mavericks coach Don Nelson to hinder the scoring ability of the opposing team by continuously committing professional fouls against one of its opposing players, the player chosen being the one with the weakest free throw percentage among players on the court.
Ball Boy

What I think it means: My prison nickname…or like the waterboy for basketball.

What ball boy actually means: individuals, usually youths, who retrieve balls for players or officials in sports such as association football, American football, cricket, tennis, baseball and basketball

 

 

Lucky Loser

What I think it means: When a guy loses but still gets ass anyways

What lucky loser actually means: a sports player who loses a match in the qualifying round of a knockout tournament, but who then enters the main draw when another player withdraws after the tournament has started because of illness, injury or other reason

Dead rubber

What I think it means: defective condom or broken ball.

What dead rubber actually means:  term used in sporting parlance to describe a match in a series where the series result has already been decided by earlier matches.

 

 

 

 

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