The Ultimate Guide to ABC’s Fall 2015 TV Lineup

The Catch

“From Shondaland’s Shonda Rhimes and Betsy Beers, this thriller centers on the strong, successful Alice Martin (Mireille Enos). She’s a fraud investigator who’s about to be the victim of fraud by her fiancé. Between her cases, she is determined to find him before it ruins her career.”

The first show on the ABC lineup is The Catch, which is what I like to call every experience in a gay club. It’s from Shonda Rimes, who churns out TV shows like her life is literally at stake. Her newest show seems like a suitable soap opera replacement for the recently canceled Revenge, but the premise itself isn’t all that exciting. Why can’t we just resurrect Drop Dead Diva instead?

Dr. Ken

“Doctor turned actor/comedian Ken Jeong plays Dr. Ken, a brilliant physician with no bedside manner. He is always trying to be a good doctor, as well as a good husband and dad to his two kids. Luckily, his therapist wife Allison is just the right partner to keep things sane.”

It’s like the Mindy Project, but with Ken Jeong! Shows that are entirely centered on C+ celebrities have never fared too well on the network and Jeong’s sense of humor isn’t for everyone. It’ll probably end up a cult favorite, but ABC is a fucker when it comes to canceling things, so I’m not so sure this will see more than a season.

The Family

“This thriller follows the return of a politician’s young son who was presumed dead after disappearing over a decade earlier. As the mysterious young man is welcomed back into his family suspicions emerge — is he really who he says he is?”

Don’t we have enough TV shows about dysfunctional white families? Why can’t ABC ever come up with original programming? These are the questions people. This show seems built upon a premise that can only be carried for one season, but knowing ABC they will twist and squeeze as many ludicrous stories out of it until its cancellation.

 The Muppets

“The Muppets return to prime time with a contemporary, documentary-style show that, for the first time ever, will explore the Muppets’ personal lives and relationships, both at home and at work, as well as romances, break-ups, achievements, disappointments, wants and desires.”

It’s the Muppets meets the Office! If this isn’t the perfect combo then I don’t know what is!

 Of Kings & Prophets

“An epic Biblical saga of faith, ambition and betrayal as told through the eyes of a battle-weary king, a powerful and resentful prophet and a resourceful young shepherd on a collision course with destiny.”

Okay, there’s no need to sugarcoat this one- it looks like a massive piece of shit.  Enjoy your 3 episode run!

Quantico

“A diverse group of recruits have arrived at the FBI Quantico Base for training. They are the best, the brightest and the most vetted, so it seems impossible that one of them is suspected of masterminding the biggest attack on New York City since 9/11.”

So wait….isn’t this just Homeland? Unless Claire Danes makes a manic cameo I’m not too sure I’m interested in this. At the very least it has a big cast- let’s just hope it doesn’t open any old wounds or further encourage stupidity from ignorant people who think only brown people can be terrorists.

The Real O’Neals

“A contemporary take on a seemingly perfect Catholic family, whose lives take an unexpected turn when surprising truths are revealed. Instead of ruining their family, the honesty triggers a new, messier chapter where everyone stops pretending to be perfect and actually starts being real.”

It’s hard to comment on this one because there’s literally no real plot summary, except the “surprising truths”. My guess is that the son is gay or addicted to porn or something. Catholicism isn’t like a big deal anymore and the show is probably going to get stuck between depicting an overly positive Catholic family or skewer the religion. I’d much rather watch a show about a family of Scientologists.

 Uncle Buck

Who knew we needed a Black Uncle Buck? It’s a shame that they have to make a weak link to the movie to guarantee people will tune into a show with a predominantly black cast. WHY CAN’T WHITE PEOPLE JUST WATCH SHOWS THAT HAVE PEOPLE OTHER THAN WHITIES?! If we did, we wouldn’t be getting ridiculous remakes and spin offs.

Oil

“Billy and Cody Lefever dream of a new life and move to “The Bakken” in North Dakota, booming after the biggest oil discovery in American history. They’re soon pitted against a ruthless tycoon who forces them to put everything on the line, including their marriage.”

Only watching if Chace is shirtless in EVERY episode.

 Wicked City

“Each season “Wicked City” will follow a different case set in a different noteworthy era of LA history, starting with a murder case from 1982 centered on the rock and roll, cocaine-infused revelry of the Sunset Strip. Alliances are formed to solve a serial murder case.”

Happy to see Ed Westwick is getting some work! This show seems like a more uninteresting version of American Horror Story, but maybe the anthology format will push the producers to commit to characters and storylines. I’m not enthusiastic about this show, but I’m not not enthusiastic about this. You know?

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