Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus is the Betty Spaghetti doll I never had and never wanted.
Britney Spears
YAAAS Godney werkkkkk!!!!
Taylor Swift
Taylor, what did I tell you about playing “Dress up” in your Nana’s clothes?!
Nicki Minaj
Nicki is really embracing the whole “dress for the job you want but will never have” thing, which is that of a classy human being.
Kim Kardashian West
Kim looks like a soggy parcel bag from Fed Ex and Kanye West is wearing scrubs. Tell me again how these heifers are fashion icons?
Justin Bieber
Fun Fact: Melissa Etheridge actually wrote “Come To My Window” about Justin Bieber. Ugh, can’t we just have Kate McKinnon be him 24/7?
Kylie Jenner
Kylie is literally just a less soggy version of Kim.
Rita Ora
What’s a Rita Ora?
Selena Gomez
If Morticia Addams shopped exclusively at Forever 21 she’d be Selena Gomez.
Vanessa Hudgens
You can’t really make fun of Vanessa’s outfit because it’s a tribute to all of the girls who accidentally OD’d at Coachella.
Kourtney Kardashian
Sensible. I don’t hate it.
Kris Jenner
Sensible. I do hate it.
Ciara
Fun fact: Ciara’s dress was originally not frayed; it was only frayed after she had to scale the building and fight her way through security to gain access to the event.
Rebel Wilson
I don’t know what’s more problematic- Rebel’s outfit or her stripper cop routine.
Demi Lovato
Bitch looks like a mosaic tile floor.
Hailee Steinfeld
It took me about 10 full seconds to realize I wasn’t looking at some sort of optical illusion. Also, Lady Gaga did this already, wench:
Nick Jonas
I don’t care how many cows I’d have to kill to get to his beef.
Kat Graham
Oh fuck you, Kat Graham.
Singer Z LaLa
Aw, it’s so nice Elton John’s enema bulb could make it to the show!
Jillian Michaels
I think both Jillian and I are confused as to why she’s at the VMAs.
Brandi Cyrus
She looks like someone “Weekend At Bernie’d” a hooker.
Violet Chacki
It’s only fitting that the most put together lady at the VMAs was a drag queen.
Is this why I'm still single? 