1.) Wasting prime Venmo opportunities
People, I don’t give a flying fuck what you’re actually paying/being paid for on Venmo, so instead of wasting my time by making me read a caption that says “for food”, write something funny like “for your services” or “for the anal”.
2.) Still Wearing Flip Flops
I don’t care if it’s 70 degrees out, it’s November, so put your hobbit feet away PLEASE.
3.) Using the phrase “War on Christmas”
Jesus Christ didn’t die for you to be mad that Starbucks took fucking snowflakes off their cups!
4.) Having more than one selfie in your Snapchat story.
Unless you’ve gotten plastic surgery since your last selfie, we really don’t need to see another close up of your face.
5.) Eating Subway
The first step towards peace is self love, and people who love themselves just don’t eat Subway.
6.) Using the word “bae”
Bae is dead. Move on.
7.) Wearing workout clothes without EVER working out.
Ma’am, I know you’re only wearing workout clothes to make your purchase of three cupcakes seem more acceptable, but you’re not fooling anyone. Just embrace gluttony like the rest of us, don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
8.) Voicing your opinions on the Kardashians
Having strong opinions on people you don’t actually know, or feeling compelled to talk about everything that’s wrong with America, only makes people hate you more.
9.) Including more than 4 hashtags in your Instagram post.
#Fall #Leaves #instaglam #DayLightSavings #SAD #thatmeansseasonalaffectationdisorder #impostingthispicturetoshowmuchbetteroffiamwithoutmyex #whitefeminismforthewin
10.) Creating Go Fund Me’s for things that really don’t need to be funded.
Okay, so instead of asking people to give you money so you can go on a road trip or purchase something you don’t actually need, perhaps you could…I don’t know…get a job?