The 19 Most WTF Google Searches of Is This Why I’m Still Single

1.) “Why is Jennifer Coolidge still single?”

Because she’s taking the dog, dumb ass.

2.) “My friend does gay stuff when high so do i are we gay?”

Brokeback Mountain is my favorite strain of marijuana.

3.) “i hate andy grammer obnoxious no talent”

Oh no, honey’s he’s good!

4.) “what teen boys do when their home alone”

Masturbate.

5.) “fucking a ghost”

I’d love to watch that Casper movie.

6. “Elsa is a bitch”

Just because she conceals, and doesn’t feel, in no way means she’s a bitch.

7.) “Kate Hudson gay”

I’d believe it.

8.) “I don’t want sex just handjob”

Story of every middle school boy’s life.

9.) “Can diabetics eat Honey Bunches of Oats”

Wilford Brimley, take it away.

10.) “I use my ex when I’m drunk and feeling down”

Don’t most college students?

11.) “who is rude the person that farted or the person that calls them out”

The person who farted…unless you’re that person, in which case it’s the other fucker’s fault.

12.) “why do guys say sit on my face”

Because the patriarchy is an ugly thing.

13.) “accept being ugly”

I started doing this in ’09.

14.) “beyonce and illuminati sex with michelle obama”

The strange thing is I feel like I’d enjoy this.

15.) “embarrassing vomiting stories marching band”

This is very specific.

16.) “how to get girls in college when you were lame in high school”

Change everything about yourself.

17.) “pocahontas is not distant like elsa and not childish like anna”

Retweet.

18.) “why are people trying to convince me that I’m a lesbian”

Relevant.

19.) “how to mustrubate if we are alone in home”

I’d love to walk this person through masturbation. Anyone this illiterate should definitely be nutting in their hand and not inside someone else.

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