1.) You go to the gym five days a week, but spend half of the visit Snap-chatting pictures of how distressing exercise is.

I’m not sending this picture to whine. I’m sending this picture to humble brag. There’s a difference; the second one is worse.

2.) You never drink your calories…unless you’re binge-drinking alcohol.

I won’t drink a single drop of Coke, but I will chug an entire pitcher of Bud Light.

3.) You pretend foods without nutrition labels are “healthier” alternatives.

In theory I know Tiramisu is bad for you, but like it’s homemade so it can’t be THAT unhealthy.

4.) You love having long-winded conversations about your favorite vegetables….dipped in ranch.

Ugh, I just love broccoli SO much. Like I would totally marry it if that was legal.

5.) You don’t count drunkenly eating pizza as cheating on your diet because it’s assisting you in your attempt to become sober.

I can’t be healthy tomorrow if I wake up with a massive hangover, so it’s in my best interest to unhinge my jaw and shotgun this entire pizza.

6.) You voice your internal conflict whenever presented with a dessert.

“Cake is so delicious, but the sugar content is just too high for me. I did run 10 miles this morning though, so I guess I can have  teensy bite.” *Cuts massive piece*

7.) You have a tendency to ask, “Are you really eating that?” whenever someone’s eating something you disapprove of.

I’m not judging, but Doritos have over 30 active ingredients. Imagine how bad that must be for you. Oh well, it’s your funeral!

8.) You have strong opinions about kale, or quinoa.

Why eats Lays when you can eat Kale chips, am I right ladies?

9.) You wear workout clothes for every occasion.

I’d dress nicer but I’m always running in and out of the gym. I just don’t have time to change!!!

10.) You take advantage of any opportunity to talk about your gym routine.

Oh what did I do today? Well, first I ran three miles just to warm up my body, then I did biceps and triceps for an hour, biked 16 miles, circuit trained, and took four fitness classes….actually I just kind of jogged for a mile and then went home and ate a jar of peanut butter.