1.) Your aesthetic is “Old Navy clearance rack.”

Wait, are you telling me that dressing mono-chromatically ISN’T cool?

2.) You have to Urban Dictionary most of the words you hear to have any idea what’s going on.

If the kush is really that loud you should just turn the volume down!

3.) Your pregame drink of choice is moscato, or the most watered down beer available.

I don’t take shots. They upset my tummy!

4.) You dread playing “Never Have I Ever” 

This should be easy considering I’ve never done anything, but….never have I ever…..been to Canada?

5.) Sexual partners may or may not refer to you as “sexually pedestrian.”

Just because I only like to have sex in the missionary position with the lights off does not mean I’m prudish!

6.) This is your response to pretty much all “ethnic” food:

If I can’t pronounce it, I’m not eating it.

7.) You dance like a Zumba instructor.

A good jazz square is always more effective than a “pop, lock, and drop it”

8.) This is the face you make when your friends tell you about the scandalous things they’ve done:

I swear I’m not judging…this is just my “listening face.”

9.)  Your swag is less “hot sauce in your bag” and more “mayonnaise in your purse.”

Always a Kelly (Clarkson) never a Beyoncé

10.) People have described you as the following things: tame, lame, safe, unadventurous, squeaky clean, uptight, holier than thou, basic, inexperienced, Caucasian AF, and unexciting.

Just keep doing you, my vanilla child.