15 Struggles of Moving into Your First Real Apartment

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1.) Finding the time to actually search for apartments

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I work full-time and have a million things to do, how the hell you expect me to sit down and miraculously find some place to live that isn’t a murder den off Craigslist?

2.) Determining where you can actually afford to live

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Would you rather live in a cheap area where the odds of being contracting tetanus are infinitely higher, or live in a nice place way outside of your price range that is smaller than your childhood closet? LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HARD CHOICES!

3.) Working with an incompetent realtor

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“Sir, we told you we are looking for three-bedroom apartments. Why the hell you showing us a studio apartment on the west side of the city?”

4.) Agreeing on an apartment with your roommate(s)

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“Okay, so I know you hate this place because of the ‘rat problem’, but it’s only a ten minute walk from work for me, so…….”

5.) Emptying your savings account account just to sign a lease

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“What’s that? You need first, last, security, and broker’s fee? Would you also like my kidney and first born child while we’re at it?”

6.) Having your application get rejected

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“You’re denying me because I have bad credit? I’m twenty-three years old! Why would I have good credit? I STILL DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A 401K IS!”

7.) Actually signing a lease

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Don’t treat the lease like an Apple warranty- ACTUALLY READ IT! Or ask your parent to do it because let’s be real-leases are about as comprehensible as hieroglyphics.

8.) Purchasing furniture and decor

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“Should we just go bankrupt trying to buy stuff together so this place looks cute and cohesive, or should we save money by using all the crusty shit we already have and accept that this place is going to look like a hoarder’s den?”

9.) Setting roommate ground rules

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“We’re no longer in college, Brittany, so if you fucking leave your dirty panties on the bathroom floor I’m going to beat you to death with my Nutri-Bullet!”

10.) Coordinating move-in

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“Wait we need to hire movers, get a parking permit, AND take off time for work to be there for the delivery? What is this nonsense?!”

11.) Moving out of your old place

The only bright side to this is finding articles of clothing that have been missing long enough to be declared legally dead.

12.) Getting your shit into the new apartment

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“I am a delicate flower, goddammit! There should be a servant to carry my microwave up the stairs!”

13.) Accepting the mountain of debt you’ve just now accrued

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“I just maxed out my credit card doing this bullshit. Guess I’m going to be on an all-ramen diet until the day I die.”

14.) Dealing with the landlord

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“The kitchen sink is broken, but our landlord reminds me of Salad Fingers, so I’m not going to call him in to fix it.”

15.) Not getting evicted

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Apparently it is pretty difficult to get evicted from an apartment, but you know us twenty-somethings- we LOVE a challenge.

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