Today is the three year anniversary of “Is This Why I’m Still Single”. Since the initial launch on September 21, 2013, I’ve published 430 posts, attracted close to 275,000 unique viewers, and accrued over 400,000 views, which is pretty impressive given that its only contributor is a man-child with commitment issues and a history of routine comma abuse. If you’ve been following me for a while you know this blog started off as a “bargain BuzzFeed”, a choppy mix of listicles, pop culture highlights, and click-baity content pieces that aimed more for views than quality.
At first, I thought the point of this blog would be to get easy attention, acknowledgment, and gratification. I wanted the world to believe I was a star, and I thought the best way to convince people of that was by focusing all of my energy into being the writer others wanted me to be. And so I wrote about things I didn’t care about and aggressively published half-assed content that other media sites had done twice before and better. I received the views that I wanted, but I didn’t feel the pride or success I envisioned myself feeling upon getting recognized. And it was because I wasn’t achieving success on my own terms. At that point, I wasn’t even a writer—I was a glorified plagiarist.
It wasn’t until I took a risk and tried writing something more personal that I began to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in my work. And while my viewership may have plummeted a bit, I felt like I was finally putting my writing talents to use and doing something meaningful. My blog then became a kind of outlet for me, a way of expressing and exposing my thoughts, opinions, and vulnerabilities. It has provided me with an opportunity to be honest and transparent in a way that has not only been beneficial to me but for other people. And that’s been the most meaningful takeaway from this entire experience.
Now that I have a full time job, I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this blog. To be honest, I don’t know if I even should. As it is, I am feeling very disheartened and anxious over how directionless I have become. I no longer know what it is that I want, nor am I sure that I have the mental capacity or endurance to pursue a true writing career. I want to at least try to pursue that opportunity while I still can, however, and I am afraid that by keeping this blog I am diverting energy and attention away from important freelance opportunities.
There’s a concept in business called “ROI” or “return of investment”. I don’t know anything about finance, but as far as I know this principle is about only investing energy and resources in things that will yield a positive return. This blog has made me feel more empowered, pushed my creative limits as a writer, and provided me with the tools I needed to begin opening up to others and dealing with my issues. But beyond that, I’m not sure if I’m getting back as much as I’m giving. The growth of this blog has been stagnant over the past two years. I don’t make any money off of it, nor has it attracted the attention of people who could help further my writing career. I am happy that this blog has meant something to people, but if it isn’t helping me advance on a professional level is it even worth it? I love writing—enough to want to pursue it as a real career, and I can’t do that if I keep doing it for myself (and for free). I can’t let the fear of potentially going unheard hold me captive to posting regular content to this blog.
I love “Is This Why I’m Still Single?”. I am proud of the commitment I have made, and I am thrilled to see through my work how I’ve grown as both a writer and a socially conscious person. I am so happy I have finally opened up about my anxiety and personal issues and deeply humbled by how well-received and supported I have been in this journey. But maybe it’s time for this journey to come to an end.