The finalists.

Hola, hennies! Welcome to the final RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars recap where I try to feel satisfied with a crowning that was spoiled by Alaska’s ex- boyfriend nearly a year ago. For the two of you who actively read these recaps, I’m sorry there was no review for the last episode—I came down with a severe case of Rigor Morris and was unable to deliver. Without that being said, let’s delve into the nitty-gritty of “All Star Supergroup” and discuss the crowning of America’s Next Drag Superstar!

The final episode begins with our queens reconvening in the workroom following yet another controversial elimination. Katya and Alaska are shocked that Detox decided to save Roxxxy, who has spent the entire season in the bottom, over Alyssa, a queen with a much better track record, and Alaska has begun to crack under the pressure of competition. Now that we are at the final four, shit is getting REAL. As our queens enter the finals, the parallels between All Stars and season 5 are becoming increasingly apparent and Alaska is unable to handle it. It’s Rolaskatox versus a lovable weirdo, and as Alaska points out—they know how well that turned out for them the last time.

Michelle arrives in the workroom to announce the final challenge of the season: an “All Star Super Group” performance to RuPaul’s new track, “Read U, Wrote U”. Our queens are tasked with writing their own rap verse, learning a choreographed number, and guest-starring on RuPaul and Michelle’s podcast, “What’s the T?” Thank God there’s no music video!

Detox showcases her rap abilities, Roxxxy reveals her utter lack of them, and Katya and Alaska deliver on-brand verses that highlight their kooky, unique senses of humor. On the main stage, each queen shines in the relatively complex dance number, highlighting just how talented our final crop of queens are. Afterwards, they strut down the runway with their best “All Stars” eleganza. Alaska gives us stunning old Hollywood glamour, Detox yet again solidifies her standing as this season’s runway queen, Katya gives us kooky frump that somehow works, and Roxxxy serves up sex on a stick. RuPaul condragulates the queens for an incredibly strong season and gives them one final opportunity to plead their case for the crown. Alaska gives a scripted albeit funny monologue about her love of Drag Race, Detox talks about being a role model for weirdos, and Katya delivers a surprisingly heartfelt speech about the growth and self-love she’s experienced as a result of the show. Roxxxy gives a half-assed speech, which is expected given that there is absolutely no way she can snatch the crown with her track record.

Following the speeches, RuPaul and judges deliberate for the first time this season, and decide to eliminate Roxxxy prior to the final lip sync. Alaska, Katya, and Detox perform to Gladys Knight & The Pips, “If I Were Your Woman”, a surprisingly somber final song. Detox embodies the desperate nature of the song, but Alaska makes it her own with her kooky take on it. As the queens perform, it’s anyone’s guess as to who could win the competition. Alaska has dominated the competition, winning four challenges, but her meltdown, robotic behavior, and dismissals of fan favorites has made her the unexpected villain of the season. Katya, on the other hand, has been the lovable underdog this season with an incredibly favorable edit. She may not have as good a track record as Alaska, but her winning would be almost like a triumph over the season long domination of Rolaskatox. And Detox—well, she has the second best track record of the season and gave us the best runway looks by far. Unfortunately, she’s not nearly as popular or conceptual as her competitors, which leaves her at a loss.

Ultimately, RuPaul crowns Alaska, in what is a completely understandable and yet somehow underwhelming moment. As someone who accidentally stumbled on spoilers last year, I can say that they all proved to be true, and perhaps that’s why I found the moment to be less than satisfying. Personal bias aside, however, Alaska truly shined this season and played the game to the fullest—and at the end of the day the winner shouldn’t be who we like the most, but rather who did the best. So condragulations, Alasssska! And remember kids, “anusthing is possible!!”
Until next time!