Instead of gracefully bowing out like the British lady she pretends to be, Madonna has stuck around to torture the masses with her music of terror. While “Ray of Light” and “Vogue” are classics, Madonna needs to stop “Giving Us All Her Luvin” and put her nightmarish arms away. #Wearlongsleevesbitch.
Despite some infectious pop hits, Ke$ha has brought little to the music industry besides chlamydia. She does deserve some credit though- she did teach us that Jack is a suitable substitution for Crest.
8) Selena Gomez
It’s common knowledge that Selena Gomez is a hot piece of ass. I mean sure she looks kind of like a Gerber Baby, but she pulls it off. What she doesn’t pull off though is singing. Girl sings like someone who just got punched directly in the throat.
For someone reason, it’s impossible to not hate Rihanna. Maybe it’s her boring personality or her wardrobe that screams, “I shop exclusively at Wet Seal” but Rihanna just can’t redeem herself- even with great hits like “We Found Love”.
6.) Taylor Swift
I’m not going to lie, I have several mixed CDs that are exclusively Taylor Swift. And I’m not going to deny that she knows how to write a song, but her whole “I hate every man on the planet” routine is getting a little tired AND she said there was a special place reserved in hell for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler so she needs to go.
And it doesn’t help that this is what she dances like.
5.) Katy Perry
While she may not be the strongest vocalist, Katy Perry knows her pop music. “Teenage Dream” is one of the catchiest albums of the 2000s. And she has a bra that sprays whipped cream which is both practical and delicious.
4.) Britney Spears
“The Princess of Pop”, Britney Spears deserves one of the top spots even though she hasn’t sang live since 2004 and thought it was okay to sing a song for Smurfs 2. Britney has been slaying the competition since the 1990s, releasing hit after hit: “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, “Toxic”, “Womanizer”, “Hold It Against Me”. And her sister is Zoey 101, which is pretty cool too.
3.) Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga has captivated the American public ever since she first revealed her “Disco Stick”. While her style may be a little too out there for some, Lady Gaga is one of the better vocalists in the business and commits herself to singing live and putting on an elaborate show you’re sure to never forget. And she knows how to rock a meat dress.
The hometown glory herself, Adele is a VISION. Her music is heartbreakingly honest and defies the stereotype that all pop music is superficial and pointless. And not only does she have one of the most beautiful singing voices, she’s also British. So like double win.
And coming in first place….. COUNTDOWN PLEASE.
How could I not put Beyonce first? She is the child of Destiny! Beyonce possesses everything a music superstar should have: a killer voice, a rocking body and a fierce attitude. She knows how to dance, act (I use that term loosely) and she is a humanitarian. So although she may have named her daughter Blue Ivy, Beyonce is perfect, and anyone who disagrees should see themselves out.
HAIL QUEEN BEE.
Demi Lovato: butt chin
Kelly Clarkson: Still irrelevant
Christina Aguilera: From Music Superstar to Drag Queen
Cher: Because Anderson Cooper loves you.
Lana Del Rey: What? Who me? LANA.