From Buzzed To Blackout


So it’s Thursday Night, or as our Founding Fathers like to call it, “Thirsty Thursday”.

And instead of spending your night in, getting some homework done or doing anything productive….

You do what any sensible college student would do:

Get wasted.

Because you’re fun.

And having a functional liver is overrated.

At first, you decide to only take a few shots.

Because you really don’t want to end the night passed out in front of a toilet and covered in vomit.

Which is what happens most Thursday nights.

Unfortunately, instead of drinking like the responsible college student you pretend to be, you drink like this:

At first you’re just buzzed.

And you’re feeling pretty awesome.

Because when you’re drunk you’re a different person. You’re a star.

And in dealing with the pressures of stardom, you decide to keep drinking.

But then it starts to hit you-

And your body makes you painfully aware of that fact that you’ve just taken 10 shots in an under 15 minutes.

In fact your body, the bastard that it is, doesn’t even give you a second to ready yourself for the transition from buzzed to completely shitfaced.

So your brain is like

And the rest of your body is like

So  you start drinking water and praying to the baby Jesus in hopes that you’ll somehow sober up.

Because you know you’re a second away from puking your brains out.

But of course baby Jesus doesn’t help you. Because babies are assholes.

So you end up in the bathroom, puking your brains out.

And you tell yourself that  you’re never going to drink again.

Even though you know that’s a huge lie.

And then


You wake up on the couch, unsure of how you got there.

And you have no idea what happened last night.

All you know is that you’re wearing someone else’s clothes.

And you feel like you’ve been tortured.

But don’t worry- your friend is there to tell you all of the dumb things you did while blackout.

Like text your ex boyfriend….

And dance around the apartment in just your underwear……

And eat your weight in Pizza…..

But you just brush it off- because you’re young and young people are allowed to make bad decisions.