The 10 Worst Disney Channel Original Movies

 

In no particular order……

10. Cheetah Girls: One World

This is what happens when there’s no Raven Symone! Cheetah Girls: One World is arguably one of the worst DCOMs of all time, mostly because Disney’s main demographic is white people and white people don’t like Bollywood. At least in the second one they got to go to Spain. Not even Kiely, Adrienne and Sabrina could save this atrocious movie musical with its unoriginal tunes and lackluster plot. But I still have faith that the Cheetah Girls will one day reunite and that a 4th movie will made. And maybe it’ll even be set in North Korea, because who wouldn’t watch Raven go face to face with Kim Jong Ung.

9. Don’t Look Under The Bed

Growing up, there were two things I was irrationally terrified of: escalators and Don’t Look Under The Bed. And while I can’t explain my fear of escalators, I am fully aware of why I’m horrified of this movie.

 

I mean  LOOK AT THIS SHIT!

 

HAS THIS BITCH HEARD OF A MANICURE?

 

Downright terrifying! In fact it was so terrifying that the Disney Channel doesn’t even play it anymore. Also the main character’s middle name is bacon. WHO THE FUCK NAMES THEIR CHILD BACON!?

8. Pixel Perfect

While it’s common knowledge that Ricky Ullman is a babe, this movie is downright insufferable. I mean if I wanted to watch a pretentious woman with a fake British accent dance around on stage I would have gone to a Madonna concert. Everything about this movie is so annoying from the Madonna hologram to the god awful songs  that sound like something even Ashlee Simpson would pass up (Side note: Remember her hoedown on SNL?)

The Scream Team

Did anyone even see this movie besides me? I mean, I’m like 90% sure I’m the only person who has ever even seen this. There’s nothing to even say about it. Except that Kathy Najimy is in it.

 

Full Court Miracle

I don’t really remember anything about this movie, so I’m just going to go ahead and say it’s the Jewish version of Coach Carter. Unlike other DCOMS about sports, this movie is downright boring which is such a shame considering it starred Alex D. Linz, AKA Max Keeble. Dear Disney, just because you base something on a true story doesn’t guarantee that it’ll be a good movie. I mean someone could make a movie about how I dress like a lesbian, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would be good. (It would be GREAT, fyi)

Life is Ruff

Don’t even get me started with Life Is Ruff. First off, no one likes Kyle Massey. Corey In The House was the worst thing to ever happen to television besides the American version of Skins and the TV version of Clueless. This movie is like Best In Show but with Mitchel Musso aka NOT GOOD. Besides, Disney already did a DCOM about a dog  four years earlier (Hounded) and that was awful, but at least that movie had Shia Labeouf and the irrelevant Mowry child (Tahj, not Tamera).

DON’T EVER TRY TO BECOME RELEVANT AGAIN, COREY.

Also can we talk about how his brother, Chris, was on Zoey 101.

Read It And Weep

This movie has two things I just can’t stand: The Panabaker sisters and literacy. It’s  all about how Kay Panabaker  turns into an A-List celebrity over night when her diary is accidentally published and becomes a best-seller. This movie would have been ten times better if it was about Tom Riddle’s diary. Also, Danielle Panabaker  plays Kay’s subconscious/second personality and her acting is cringeworthy. And to top it all off, there is a scene in the movie where Danielle wears a headscarf (and yes it looks as heinous as it sounds)

 

LOL- shut up Kay.

 

The Proud Family Movie

While I consider Suga Mama to be my spirit animal, I needed to include this travesty of a movie on the list. I mean I don’t even understand why it was made. Honestly, like what Disney executive said, “You know what we need? A Proud Family Movie. “ The movie is literally about an evil genius who creates clones made out of peanuts. And his name is Dr. Carver so I don’t know if as a white person I’m supposed to find that offensive. The only nice thing about this movie is that it acted as the series finale of the show, meaning that after it premiered none of us were forced to sit through the Proud Family again. I just have one thing to say to Suga Mama: “You and me will always be tight, family every single day and night”

 

Can of Worms

Remember when special effects used to be really shitty? Well that was around the time Can of Worms came out. It’s basically one long episode  of Goosebumps but if you took out all the suspense and doubled the amount of ugly puppet aliens. It’s about a nerdy guy who sends a message to space asking aliens to rescue from Earth. And then they show up and hijinks ensue (Now that you know the plot you won’t ever have to watch it)

Stuck In The Suburbs

Oh look, another movie starring Danielle Panabaker (Seriously the only good thing she’s done is die in the Friday the 13th remake) This movie is just way too many first world/white girl problems for one person to handle. What makes it so annoying is that it’s totally a valid depiction of how annoying preteen girls are when it comes to celebrities. Watching it is like being trapped in an elevator with One Direction fans for 6 months. The only plus side to this movie is that it also stars Brenda Song and Taran Killam (Amanda Show, SNL).

To sum it all up…

.

 

7 comments

  1. I rather enjoy scream team in a bizarre I feel like this happen in my town sort of way and it also has the girl from Two Broke Girls in it before she hit puberty and became funny. but yep the rest most people have either never heard of or were so bad they stopped airing them (the stopped airing the good ones too which is a problem. ick Proud family movie was the summer that they just made movie outta shows cause they had no new ideas. IE The Even Stevens movie

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  2. What about the Luck of the Irish? Sure, back in the day it seemed all in good fun, but now that I’ve seen it as an adult, I’m pretty sure it’s heinously offensive… Wait, no. I’ve got it! The Thirteenth Year! The one where the kid finds out his a mermaid. (“Merman! Haha!”) Just listen to the awful theme song! Ugh.

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  3. Don’t Look under the bed is my favorite. Disney channel was good at somewhat scary, they should have made more. it does come on tv with ther classic Dcoms every once in a while with no promotion between 12 to 3 am, way before Disney Rewind. I loved this movie, although so did most of the kids that went with me to horror movies.

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