1.) SHANIA TWAIN
Shania Twain can do no wrong- except wear a hooded leopard skin leotard. Besides that, she’s flawless. In fact, scientists rated her as having the perfect face and calculated that her face has a perfect set of geometric measures, based on the Golden Ratio #ireadthatonwikipedia
Shania’s album, Come On Over, is the perfect blend of pop and country and with hits like “That Don’t Impress Me Much” and “Man I Feel Like A Woman” it’s obvious why it was one of the best selling albums of the 90s. I can’t tell you how many times I danced around to “Man I Feel Like A Woman” as a youngin. In fact, I’m pretty sure that song is half the reason I’m gay.
2.) Alanis Morissette
Alanis never gets enough credit, I mean she performed oral on Uncle Joey from Full House, for christ’s sake! Jagged Little Pill made angst bullshit commerciable and she’s a great vocalist- even if her singing voice does sound a bit like a cross between a seagull cawing and erotic yodeling. Her music isn’t all angsty, either, in fact she has some great mellow songs like “Thank U” and “Hand In My Pocket” and “Ironic”, which ironically isn’t at all ironic.
3.) Sheryl Crow
For some reason, I’ve only just started my Sheryl Crow phase, but I can’t get enough of her. “Soak Up The Sun” is my jam and I can’t stop listening to “Every Day Is A Winding Road”. What’s nice about Sheryl is that she doesn’t stick to one genre. Some of her songs are rock, some are country and some are pop. She’s also really hot, and I say that in the most nonsexual way possible. And she played herself on Hannah Montana, which is pretty impressive.
People don’t take Switchfoot seriously- mostly because they’re kind of Jesus-y. But they make up for that with their songs like “Dare You To Move”, “Meant To Live” and “Let That Be Enough” (Which is a song that played for like 30 seconds in Model Behavior that I have been unable to forget) And they basically wrote the soundtrack for A Walk To Remember or as I like to call it, That Movie Where Mandy Moore Has Really Bad Bangs And Dies
Speaking of Mandy….
5.) Mandy Moore
When Mandy Moore first came onto the scene, there wasn’t really a place for her. I mean she wasn’t as sexy as Britney, nor was she as ratchet as Christina, so she unjustly faded into the background. This is a travesty because “Candy” is one of the best pop songs of the 90s, even though the whole music video is basically kiddie porn. Mandy still makes music today, although she’s moved away from the bubblegum pop genre. And even though she may not be #1 on the charts, she’s made a career for herself as an actress. (Where was her Oscar for Princess Diaries?)
Okay I’ll admit it. “Wild Ones” is one of the worst songs to ever happen to the history of music. But that’s not Sia’s fault- it’s Flo Rida’s fault. In fact, the only thing more awful than Flo Rida is the state for which he was named. (Can’t wait until the day global warming causes you to sink, Florida, so that you and the cast of Real Housewives of Miami disappear forever.)
Sia has a beautifully, haunting voice. Every time I listen to “Breathe Me” I want to cry myself to sleep, but in a good way. She also wrote some pretty dope songs including Rihanna’s song, “Diamonds” and everyone knows that “Titanium” and “She Wolf” are awesome.
I don’t know when it became cool to hate Nickelback, but people need to fuck off because it’s common knowledge that “Photograph” is a classic. I mean, I’m aware that all of their songs sound the same and that Chad Kroeger sings like someone with emphysema, but people are way too hard on them. And you know at the end of the day we all just wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars.
Also can someone please tell me what the hell was on Joey’s head?!
8.) Avril Lavigne
I have to include the wife of Nickelback’s lead singer on this list. Avril Lavigne is so underappreciated. For starters, she is the epitome of what every whiny preteen girl wanted to be in 2006. She was such a trendsetter with her terrible clip on extensions and wardrobe that screamed “I shop exclusively at the Hot Topic clearance rack”. And let’s not forget her revolutionary raccoon eye makeup.
While many may find her annoying, it is impossible to deny the catchiness of Avril’s anthemic pop songs. Almost everyone knows all the lyrics to “Girlfriend” and “Sk8r Boi”. And if you say that you don’t, you’re lying. So cut her some slack. And Avril if you’re reading this, “when you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you know how much I need you right now?”
9.) Ashlee Simpson
When will people let Ashlee Simpson live down the whole SNL hoedown incident? I mean she lip synced- big deal. We all already knew she was a terrible singer, in fact she’s so bad that I would have prefered to watch her lip sync than listen to her actually sing.. Besides the fact that she’s a terrible singer and actress, Ashlee Simpson actually had a few catchy songs. I still listen to “La La” regularly, mostly when I’m on the elliptical- because it makes me feel slutty and reminds me that the only reason I’m at the gym is so I can become physically attractive enough to find a guy to buy me Panera Bread.
Jojo must have taken her own advice, because she Left (Got Out) several years ago and hasn’t been seen since. There are so many reasons to love Jojo. For starters, she’s from Foxboro, MA so she understands the struggles of growing up in a state full of assholes (I’m from MA so I can say this) She also dated Freddy Adu, which was cute and she was in Aquamarine which was actually a good movie. Jojo’s songs are perfect and “Too Little Too Late” is the best song to scream along to while driving. And apparently she’s releasing a new album in 2014, so we’ll finally get to see what she’s been up to all of these years.
Look at her and Freddy Adu!
Because “With Arms Wide Open” is a revelation.