Lady Gaga: Artpop Edition

Late last night Lady Gaga released the official track list for her upcoming album, “ARTPOP”.  Gaga’s fourth studio album will consist of 14 tracks and will be released worldwide on 11/11 so #makeawish


Listed below are the details of the album and what I think ARTPOP is about, based on the song titles.

Aura

If you’re a true Lady Gaga fan you heard this song back in August when it was leaked as “Burqa”.  Most of you probably know it as the background song in the trailer for Machete Kills, which is basically the mexican version of Kill Bill. The song is part old time western, part growling and part EDM explosion. And while it’s beat is infectious, it’s bound to get some criticism, as the whole song is about Lady Gaga wearing a burqa, but don’t worry she made it quite clear that it’s not a political statement: “enigma pop star is fun, she wears burqa for fashion”

Venus

This song could be about several different things. It could be about the planet, the Botticelli painting, or the famous tennis player (I really hope its about the third one). More than likely it’s inspired by the Botticelli painting, as Lady Gaga dressed like Venus during her VMA performance of “Applause”.  And by dressed like Venus I mean she came out in a clam bra and a thong and put the twerking monstrosity that is Miley Cyrus to shame.

G.U.Y

Now this may be way off, but I’m assuming this song is about a man. Or G.U.Y could be an acronym of some kind. Maybe G.U.Y stands for “Gays Use Yahoo” or  something. Or “Gays Utilize Yoga”. I’m just assuming G stands for gay, because the only thing gayer than Lady Gaga is San Francisco Pride.

S.E.X.X.X Dreams

Well XXX clearly means porn, so I’m thinking this song is about Lady Gaga’s wet dreams. Can you imagine what her sex dreams would even be about? They probably involve a lot of religious imagery, wigs and Beyonce duets.

Jewels and Drugs (ft. T.I, Too $hort & Twista)

Okay this song is probably about how hard it is out there for a pimp.  This seems like it’ll actually be a hip hop song, which is very questionable for Gaga because she has very little street cred. Also does anyone actually know who Twista or Too $hort are? Also why is there a $ in his name? Who does he think he is, Ke$ha? Wait is he Ke$ha?

ManIcure

The capital “I” in the title of this song makes me think that’s its not actually about a nail salon. Which is such a shame because they could have had Jennifer Coolidge reprise her role as Paulette from Legally Blonde in it.  Maybe it’s about vaccinating men? Or maybe by curing “man” she means wiping all straight men off the planet? But I hope that’s not what she means because if it wasn’t for straight men what reason would I have for going to the gym?

Do What U Want (ft. R. Kelly)

Sweet Jesus, why is R Kelly being included on this album? I was hoping he was still trapped in the closet. This song makes me nervous for several reasons. For starters, why can’t you just spell out “You”, like it’s two extra letters and “You” unlike “U” is actually a word. I’m also concerned about Lady Gaga letting R. Kelly do what he wants. I swear if R. Kelly pees on Lady Gaga in the music video I’m just going to quit life.

ARTPOP

Okay, so no one really knows what “ARTPOP” really means. It’s kind of like the word irony. From what I understand ARTPOP is the mixture of performance art and pop music. But in Gaga’s case, I think it just means singing somewhat generic pop music while dressed in really weird outfits and having strange, ritualistic things happen on stage. As she says in the song, “my artpop can mean anything” which means that’s it probably symbolizes nothing.

DONATELLA

This track list is so long . Donatella is probably about Donatella Versace, or Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja in drag. It’s probably a throw away track. Why couldn’t it be called DoNutella. In fact, why I am in class right now instead of eating Nutella?

FASHION!

Hasn’t she already had three songs about fashion? Is the only reason why this song is different is because the title has an exclamation point in it?  Fashion is a very vague term. To her, fashion probably means versace and McQueen. To me, it means basic tee shirts I’ve purchased from Target.

MARY JANE HOLLAND

Skipping this one because I don’t care.

DOPE

This song could be about drugs, or it could be about something that is “dope” like pizza or BOGO sales.

GYPSY

I’m assuming this song is about how Lady Gaga is a modern day gypsy in the sense that she may worship the devil and she wears minimal clothing. It could also be about Gypsy Nightclub or the famous American musical “Gypsy”.

APPLAUSE

Everyone and their mother has already heard this song. It’s about how much Lady Gaga loves the spotlight and about how much she likes to read and clap. It’s fun, it’s stupid and it seems like it’ll be the most radio friendly song on the album.

3 comments

  1. Have you thought about doing a follow-up on this, now that Artpop is out? I was listening to it on the way to work, and oh how I wish that this was what the songs were actually about. Although in saying that, there’s a few tracks on the album with a really catchy beat.

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      • Perhaps write it as a comparison piece? ie ‘I originally thought this song was about gay pride, when in actual fact, it’s just about jelly beans and bondage. Boy did I miss the mark. I don’t understand why she would write a song like that. It’s pretty much describes the average saturday night for me, but you don’t see me making a big song and highly-choreographed dance about it, do you?!’

        …or something like that.

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