The 6 Things We All Miss From The Old Facebook

1.) Top Friends

As a freshman in high school, there were only two things I wanted in life: to be at least two people’s #1 on Top Friends and to go through a growth spurt so I would no longer be confused with Spencer Breslin..or Rosie O’Donnell.

If you wanted to know how popular you were in 2008, all you needed to do was check Facebook and see how many people included you on their Top Friends list. Because nothing says friendship like publicly rank ordering the people in your life. I remember actually threatening people for not including me in their Top Friends list and I had friendships fall apart because we argued over what spot I had on their Top Friends List. I’m not a #8 kind of friend, bitch, I’m at least a #4.

2.) Formspring

Oh, Formspring ❤  I never had one but I always found some perverted pleasure in reading other people’s formsprings and seeing how inventive people could be with their bullying. I still don’t understand why anyone made one. I mean if you had one you were basically asking for people to harass you or tell you to kill yourself. Formspring was like a car crash. It was awful but you couldn’t look away. I can only imagine the things people would have written on mine: “LOL UR GHEY” or “U R SO PHAT” or “UR SISTER WAS IN A MOVIE AND U WEREN’T HA HAHA”

3.) Facebook Notes

I’m pretty sure I dedicated all of 2009 to making Facebook Notes. My favorite notes were the ones where you would have to answer questions about the last 10 people to write on your wall or the ones where you’d have to write 50 facts about yourself. Almost every Facebook note I made included a joke about how I wasn’t actually gay, even though it’s so clear that I was. People made notes for different reasons. Some people made them to express their inner feelings (because every single 16 year old girl is really poetic and insightful apparently), others made them because they had no life (me). Here’s a snippet of an old one of mine:

^^^^ See #46, LOL.

4.) BUMPER STICKERS

If you really wanted to show someone how much you loved them in 2008, you would send them a Bumper Sticker. They were basically just funny pictures. Is there anything else I need to say about this?

5.) GRAFFITI

Now here’s something I actually miss. Graffiti is like the bastard child of Microsoft Paint and Snapchat. It provided us all with an opportunity to waste 45 minutes of our life creating a shitty picture that wasn’t even really that funny. I can’t say all Graffiti was bad, in fact some people were quite good at doing it. Unfortunately, all of those people peaked in high school.

 

6.) HONESTY BOX

Okay, so I REALLY don’t understand why anyone actually used this. Honesty Box was so much worse than Formspring because it really only existed for people to call you a bitch or a fag. No one should be allowed to do something anonymously, especially when middle schoolers are involved because we all know those fuckers are terrible and capable of atrocious deeds. No one wants honesty in high school, we want to be told that we’re pretty and that we can do anything we can put our minds to, even if that is completely false.

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