5 Reasons You Should Never Go Out To Eat With Other People

1. Paying the bill is a nightmare.

You never know how much you actually hate someone until you have to split a check with them. There’s always one person who can only pay by card, one person who only has enough money to cover their meal without tip and then one person who makes everyone else uncomfortable by complaining about how they threw in more for tip than anyone else. But the worst type of person is the one who leaves the dinner early and just throws a random amount on the table, saying, “that should be enough”- when it’s obvious that it totally isn’t.  And usually one person is left to delegate how much each person pays and ensure that everyone actually pays the amount they owe- but in reality, this person is usually forced to throw in an extra two or three dollars because they can’t walk away from the table leaving the waitress only a 4% tip.

2. There’s always one person who is running late which throws off the entire dinner.

We’ve all had this happen to us. You get to the restaurant with some people and get a text from your friend saying they’re running 10 minutes late. So you get a table and tell the waitress you’re going to wait for your friend until you order. And then 30 minutes pass and your friend still hasn’t shown up and the waitress is now clearly annoyed by the fact that you’re wasting her time and you’re getting hangry as fuck. And the worst part is that when your  friend  actually arrives all they do is complain about the reason they were running late and how you should have just put their order in for them. So you sit there listening to them while you imagine stabbing them in the eye with your fork.

3. There’s always one person who doesn’t actually order anything.

There’s nothing more awkward than when you go to a restaurant with someone who doesn’t actually order anything. Not only does this confuse the waitress but it makes everyone else at the table uncomfortable because they feel bad eating while the person awkwardly sits in the corner. And then you’re forced to offer them some of your food because you somehow feel guilty for them being a cheap bitch. No girl, you don’t get to have my Pad Thai. It’s not my fault you’re cheap. So just drink your free water and play Candy Crush on your phone and stop judging.

4. You have to interact with people you don’t like.

If you go out to dinner with more than 5 people then chances are you hate at least one of them. And no one likes being trapped in awkward small talk with a friend of a friend that you don’t even like. What’s also annoying is that with the set up of the table, you’re often not even sitting next to a person you like which means you’re stuck talking to the person next to you, regardless of whether or not you like them.

5.) It’s almost impossible to find a time and place that works for everyone.

There’s always one person who hates whatever suggestion was made. One person hates Thai, another hates Mexican, the third hates “contemporary American”. And why- because people fucking suck. And even if you do agree upon a restaurant, the chances of you finding a day and time that works for everyone is slim to none. One person will say they are only free from 5-7 and another isn’t free until 8:30.

So what do learn from situations like this? We learn that people are the worst and that  getting takeout and eating it alone in your pajamas is always better than subjecting yourself to this type of torture.

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