1. Jumping into the shower without checking the temperature of the water.

Because what says “Good Morning” better than getting sprayed by water hotter than the fires of hell.

2. Giving yourself 5 more minutes of sleep instead of getting out of bed when your alarm goes off

When you get up on time you can go about your morning activities without any unnecessary stress. And every time you don’t get up on time you end up leaving your apartment looking like a mole person.

3. Justifying buying an outfit or article of clothing you don’t need by saying you just got paid.

Oh it’s totally cool I’ll just spend a week’s  paycheck on pre-ripped jeans.

4. Telling yourself you’ll only take a 5 minute “Facebook break” while studying for an exam.


5. Surrounding yourself with people you can’t stand.

I don’t like how I act when I’m around people I can’t stand so I generally avoid them. Why don’t you do the same instead of fucking complaining about them every 5 seconds?

6. Starting new shows on Netflix during exam season

Oh I have three exams this week? Perfect time to start watching Scandal.

7.Waiting until you only have one pair of underwear left to do your laundry.

I always do this and then I end up wearing an outfit not even a butch lesbian would consider wearing.

8. Starving yourself all day and then eating an entire pizza at midnight.

If you haven’t eaten all day then commit to not eating #nothingtastesasgoodasskinnyfeels

9. Taking 7 shots before going to the pregame party.

Because no first impression is complete without you vomiting on the party host.

10. Going to the gym and then completely negating everything you just did by rewarding yourself with a brownie sundae or cheesecake when you get back.

Wow, I can’t believe I just burnt 500 calories at the gym! Now I won’t have to feel guilty about eating a 6000 calorie cheesecake.

11. Eating Popeyes or any other fast food that has the tendency to make your bowels scream.


12. Hooking up with people who fucking suck.

Because penises just aren’t worth it.

13. Going to bed before your drunk ass has had at least 2 glasses of water.

Who cares if it feels like you’re being waterboarded right now?! Trust me, drinking those two glasses of water is way better than the hangover you’ll have if you don’t.

14. Assuming  that because it’s sunny out  it must be warm outside.

I know global warming is a thing and all but if it’s February in Massachusetts it’s probably 10 degrees out regardless of whether or not it’s sunny.

15. Leaving a dish in the sink and telling yourself you’ll get around to doing it later.