The 5 Reasons Middle School Is The Worst

1. Everyone, including you, fucking sucks.

In elementary school everyone for the most part is friendly. Kids are too young to have the self consciousness or self loathing necessary to be a completely terrible person. That changes in middle school, however, when the incredibly sweet boy from your 5th grade class becomes a complete and total douchebag and the quiet girl from your 4th grade music class becomes the resident backstabbing bitch whore from hell. It’s only until after you start high school that you realize how little you knew when you were in middle school and that you weren’t cool- you were just a materialistic, lame little shit.

2. Puberty fucks up the social quo.

Elementary school is usually an equal playing ground for kids because everyone looks the same for the most part. But this status quo gets fucked up when some kids start developing earlier than others. You suddenly no longer seem desirable to the boys in your grade because Amanda Smith grew giant boobs overnight. And what’s worse is that going through puberty is not necessarily a good thing. Some people develop terrible acne, others grow or gain weight at an incredible rate, and others just become plain ugly. And in middle school, the prettiest people are the ones in power, which sucks if you’re one of them homely bitches.

3. You’re limited in the activities you can do.

In middle school there are very few things you can do on your weekends. I mean you don’t have a car so you basically can’t go anywhere. What usually ends up happening is that you spend your weekends at your local mall with your hoodrat friends. The downside of that is you probably don’t have any money apart from what your parents give you for an allowance so instead of shopping or doing a legitimate activity you probably spend your saturday night sitting on the lap of your grody crush on one of the mall’s random couches.

4. You’re dependent on your parents for everything.

Like #3, as a middle schooler you don’t really have much freedom to do what you want. You rely on your parents for everything from rides to money so if you piss them off one night chances are you’ll be trapped in your house or without money for at least two weeks following that. And parents cramp your style- I mean how lame is it to be dropped off at your crush’s house in your mom’s minivan while she blares “Timber”.

5.  You start doing things you aren’t ready for

Middle schoolers feel the need to prove to themselves, their peers and the world that they are as mature and complex as the older people around them. As a result, many of them do things they aren’t ready for like having sex or showing their boobs to random guys on Chat Roulette. Bitches, why are you in such a hurry to grow up? You’re not adults yet, but that’s not a bad thing. Enjoy your youth. So stop with your pot smoking and your slut bashing and watch the Disney Channel.

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