If it wasn’t evident by Budweiser or Corona ad’s featuring scantily clad women in bikinis or the ever classy Heineken ad that shows a woman’s uterus as a beer keg… the beer industry has long been targeting men. I know personally, I long associated beer with Fraternity basements, red solo cups and biddies in bandage skirts spilling shit on me. It took a long time for me to realize not all beer taste like watered down cat piss. I hear so many females write off beer completely. They say they don’t like the taste or it has too many calories. I like Moscato and my vodka sodas as much as the next betch but ladies, it is time to expand your horizons.
Reason 1: If you say you don’t like the taste it is an over exaggeration. There are a million different flavors and styles of beer. Women typically have more taste buds than men so it is actually easier for them to experience the flavors, aromas and complexities of a good beer. That being said if you’re drinking a natty light out of a solo cup it probably isn’t going to be a party in your mouth. Not to hate but a lot of these big beer companies water down their beer to cut cost. If you don’t like that bitterness taste a lot of beers have shy away from hop heavy brews and steer into beers that rely more on malted barley and spices. Also, don’t drink it out of a solo cup. That’ll shoot the bitterness right to the back of your taste buds and it won’t be the most pleasant experience.
Reason 2: Another complaint is that beer makes females “too full”. Again, there are so many styles and really only beers with a ton of malt will be super filling. Also, don’t let color deceive you. A dark beer won’t always be the thickest or most filling. Most of the time the malted barley or wheat in the beer is just toasted for a longer time in the darker beers. Some pretty light beers have a dark color. Don’t let color deter you from a beer. Also beer is one of the healthier alcohols. It often has just as many antioxidants as wine as well as fiber and protein. Also ladies, studies have shown it improves our heart health and the blood circulation to our brain. So when our tits start to sag and we go gray our minds will still be sharp as a rock (Tits out for the boys! Tits out for the boys).
Reason 3: It’s cheaper than hard alcohol. If you go to a bar most likely the cheapest thing on the menu will be a beer. It usually will be larger too. So for you that (like myself) that feel awkward being in a nightlife setting without a drink in hand can have a longer lasting tool to make you feel socially acceptable.
Reason 4: It makes you look like a chill lady that like doesn’t need makeup , follows sports teams and is basically the male dream. Even if you do wear enough makeup to be Kardashian and think the Patriots are a hockey team.. boys will be blind to this. They are dumb and will see you as a laid back lady instead of the high maintenance emotional somewhat batshit bitty we all truly are.
Reason 5: It’ll make you beautiful. The malt helps nourishes and smoothes your hair and the yeast adds strength to it. I heard Catherine Zeta Jones even puts beer IN her hair. She may be bi-polar but she does have great hair so we should steal her beauty secrets. It also has therapeutic benefits for your skin. In Europe there are many “beer spas” where people do things like bathe in darker lagers. Ask Madonna, there is nothing chicer than a European.