1. You turn on the sink while in the bathroom to convince people you washed your hands when in reality you didn’t do so simply because you were too lazy to do it. And let’s be honest we’ve all done this before- but if you’re one of those people who does this while in a public bathroom then you deserve to rot in hell.
2. When trying to coordinate a “going out” outfit you think it’s socially acceptable to go through your dirty laundry and wear whatever has the least offensive odor.
3. You think it’s okay to not shower after going to the gym because you like the musky scent of your own armpits.
4. You think brushing your teeth before you go to bed is an optional thing- listen ladies, drunken debauchery is no excuse for stank ass breath.
5. You don’t immediately flush the toilet after taking a shit just so you can take in the momentous achievement of pushing that much excrement out of your body in one sitting.
6. You lick the Dorito dust off your fingers and then proceed to stick your hand back in the bowl and spread your germs everywhere- THIS IS NEVER OKAY, PEOPLE!
7. You apologize to people before you take a shit in their bathroom because you know it will be a thing most foul.
8. You follow the 2 day rule as opposed to the 5 second rule… and by 2 day rule I mean you are willing to eat a chip off the floor that may have possibly been there since 1993.
9. You pop zips and/or squeeze blackheads while alone in public bathrooms..(I may or may not do this…never said I was perfect.)
10. You fart in your own bed…HAVE YOU NO SELF RESPECT, CHILD?!