Shit Guys Say: Tinder Edition

Nothing like modern day online dating applications to show us what wordsmiths the male population is.  After giving in and downloading the app it doesn’t take long to  realize there is almost zero originality to the things guys will say to you and soon you’ll be well versed in Tinder language.

1.   “Hey”

That’s it. Probably the most common conversation starter. I get that it’s  how most people open a conversation but to me it comes off as “I don’t care to put effort into trying to get you to sleep with me so I just sent this to every one of my matches so the chances one of you will sleep with me is high

2. “I’m just looking to have fun”

In case you’re slow fun means sex. Translate this into “I’m just looking to put my d in your v .  It will be a great time.. for me.”

 

3. “Looking for my Tinderella”

Tinder ain’t nothing like Cinderella. If I was to compare it to a Disney Princess I would probably say girls on Tinder are more similar to Jasmine because the guys you match with will probably lie to you and probably are poor.

4. “It’s going down, I’m yelling tinder”

I’d love to kick the first person to make the connection that Tinder and Timber sound kind of similar in the face. Also, anything that reminds me of Pitbull is a lady boner killer.

 

5. “ Why are you on tinder?”

Do you really want to know the real answer? I’m single as fuck, bored and the internet/ rise of the media has ruined social interaction so I have no other options. Really most guys are trying to assess how DTF you are.

 

6. “How tall are you?”

AKA are you a giant, midget, or somewhere in-between. Guys need to assess and compare it to their height. Don’t worry regardless they still will probably have sex with you but needs to know how much shame will come with it.

 

7.  “Do you have snapchat?”

Translates into “I’m hoping this escalates into you sending me nudes”

 

8. “Sit on my Face”

This can be exchanged for other simple and all encompassing phrases like “Sex?” I find it funny that a guy that probably wouldn’t be bold enough to TALK to me face to face is somehow bold enough to ask me to sit on his.

9. “Nothing at all.”

It doesn’t take you long to realize that a majority of the guys you message won’t say anything at all. I’m all for women taking charge I just haven’t felt the need to message any of these guys myself yet. I have too many “Can I lick nutella off you?” offers rolling in.

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