1.) How much is this final worth? More importantly, how badly can I do on this test without completely destroying my overall grade?

2.) Why can’t my brain store information so that when I’m assigned a cumulative final I don’t have to go back and relearn everything I’ve already been tested on?

3.) What do you mean there ‘might be things on the test not included in this study guide’? What’s the fucking point of the study guide then? Aren’t you just telling me to know EVERYTHING by saying that?

4.) Is it even humanly possible to ace a final that’s at 8am? Are brains even capable of functioning before 10am?

5.) Is it too late to still drop this class?

6.) How is it that I managed to go to every single class and yet still have no idea what’s going on?  What was I even doing class period? (You were probably on Facebook or thinking about pizza)

7.) Would snorting cocaine make studying easier? Should I be bumming prescription pills off my friends who are ethically questionable enough to sell them to me?

8.) Do you have to be a registered sociopath to justify turning finals into group projects? What kind of teacher would make 30% of a student’s grade dependent upon working with other lazy fuck heads? 

9.) How can I convince myself to stop binge watching Gilmore Girls and start preparing for this test I am going to inevitably fail?

10.) Would I do better on my finals if I showed up drunk to them? (Asking for a friend)