1.) Caitlyn Jenner
I don’t need you to call Caitlyn Jenner “brave” or “heroic” and I certainly don’t expect you to understand the nuances of gender identity and the struggles transgender women face, but I demand that you not be a complete and total fuck head by wearing this costume. Donning a Caitlyn Jenner costume is the equivalent of wearing a “Make Me A Sandwich, Woman” shirt; wearing it doesn’t make you funny, it makes you literally a misogynistic, trans phobic, sex-repellant piece of human excrement. If I see you wearing this costume I will go to the nearest convenience store, buy three cartons of milk, wait four months for that milk to heinously curdle, and then drive to your house and punch you in the face.
2.) Black/Gold/Blue Dress
The world we live in already has enough controversy and divisions as it is, so please let’s not revisit the dress fiasco of 2015 that destroyed families and ruined lives.
3.) Donald Trump
We get it, Donald Trump is the WORST, but there are so many other awful people who deserve to be represented on Halloween. Instead of going for the obvious, dress like Ann Coulter or Rick Santorum, or even go as fucking Ivana Trump! Just use a little imagination.
4.) Pizza Rat
A rat carried a pizza, how millennial and tumblr funny of it! This news story was relevant for about 2.5 seconds, so please keep up with the trends and wear something more timely people!
5.) Anyone From The Bad Blood Music Video
Just because Taylor Swift rules America with an iron fist does not mean you need to succumb to the hysteria and wear some garbage costume inspired by this music video! For starters, it’s lazy, I mean all it requires is black latex, and second, it’s too fucking aryan to be okay. But if you are going to go as someone from this video, PLEASE go as Mariska Hargitay.
6.) Anything That Would Require You To Paint Your Skin To Resemble Someone Of A Different Race
I am not explaining why you shouldn’t be doing this. Just know that Cthulhu sees all and will punish you accordingly for all of your egregious sins.
7.) Left Shark
This was funny for about 5 minutes, I will give you that, but let’s move on. Or be right shark, I don’t give a nautical fuck!
8.) Miley Cyrus
All of her pets are DEAD, give her a break!
9.) Cecil The Lion
Mufasa did not die for you fuckers to go out and wear the carcasses of the most majestic animals on the planet. Instead of taking an upsetting pop culture event and fashioning it as a costume to make up for your lack of originality or humor, why don’t you wear something that’s actually creative and not fucking awful?
10.) Tom Brady and/or Deflate Gate
Let’s be real, Halloween is for promiscuous teens, little children, and gays, so leave your straight male bullshit at the door, people!