1.) Choosing an actual career path

LOL brb just deciding what I want to spend the next 40 years of my life doing. 

2.) Resisting the urge to go out drinking every night

Spending time with your friends before they move away is more important than having a functioning liver.

3.) Applying to jobs

Hi, I just have a few questions: “where should I work?”,”how much should I be getting paid?”, “how do I find job postings?”, and “HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND TIME TO APPLY FOR JOBS WITH ALL OF THIS OTHER BULLSHIT I’VE GOT GOING ON?”

4.) Writing cover letters

This job is the backup for my backup, okay!? So please don’t make me have to write a whole page of bullshit to try and convince you I would actually take this job if offered to me.

5.) Convincing yourself to care about academics

Let’s be real, as long as you have above a 3.0 no one gives a shit about your GPA.

6.) Having to answer questions about the future

“What are you gonna do after graduation?” I’m probably just going to go bleach my asshole.

7.) Figuring out where you want to live after graduation

Part of me wants to move across the country. The other part wants to move back into my childhood room and have my mom cook me mac & cheese every night.

8.) Figuring out who to live with after graduation

Do I live with my rowdy friend to keep the drunken antics alive, or do I live with someone who is actually a functioning member of society?

9.) Planning a spring break that won’t leave you a bankrupt grad.

So if I go to Punta Cana, I’ll have exactly -5.00 left in my bank account.

10.) Interacting with underclassmen

LOL class of 2019 GOODBYE!

11.) Finding references

Ugh I hate forcing people to commit perjury by lying about how great I am.

12.) Resisting the urge to cry

Just sobbing like a baby because the best years of my life are about to come to an end.

13.) Accomplishing everything on your college bucket list


14.) Networking

Fuck LinkedIn, fuck “Young Professionals Mixers.” I don’t know want to talk to other adults!

15.) Accepting that you will be paying off student loans for the rest of your life

How am I ever going to pay this shit off?!