1.) Lopunny AKA “The Sorority Girl”
Lopunny loves Lily Pulitzer, pearl necklaces, and squatting for long periods of time. Her favorite activities include: monogramming EVERYTHING, whitening her teeth, and talking about her douchey frat guy hookups. She may be a little uptight, and she may engage in cultish thinking, but she’s a loyal and classy friend.
2.) Bellossum AKA “The Beauty Guru”
Bellossum takes 3 hours to get ready every morning. Odds are you’ve never actually seen her without a full face of makeup on. 75% of her income goes toward Sephora, and she’s completely okay with that.
3.) Gothitelle AKA “The Alt-Girl”
Gothitelle is a scene queen. She vapes like a mo-fo, dresses like a Hot Topic clearance rack, and thinks relationship labels are “passé”. She’s rough around the edges, and gives absolutely no fucks what anyone else thinks.
4.) Delcatty AKA “The Princess”
Delcatty hasn’t worked a day in her life, and she doesn’t ever plan to. Her doting daddy and dope boyfriends take care of everything for her. She may care more about Instagram likes than she does about global poverty, but her parties always have the best free alcohol, so you put up with her horrific narcissism anyways.
5.) Jynx AKA “The Hot Mess Express”
You know that girl who fell asleep on top of her slice of pizza? The one whose panties are clearly visible and just toppled down a flight of stairs?That’s Jynx. She’s a party monster who loves blacking out and picking fights with bouncers. She loses her wallet almost as much as she loses her false eyelashes. How her liver hasn’t completely given out by now is a medical anomaly.
6.) Medicham AKA “The Yogi”
Medicham is your zen AF yoga or spin instructor. She eats clean, lives mindfully, and would never stoop so low as to fight with someone. She’s calm, cool, collected, and has her life way too put together for a twenty-something.
7.) Jigglypuff AKA “The Tinder Queen”
Jigglypuff is the girl who is always on Tinder looking for some well-educated Jewish boy to buy her dinner. She’s boy obsessed, and slightly delusional, but always down to split breadsticks.
8.) Audino AKA “The Basic Bitch”
Audino is the girl who knows more about Starbucks’ seasonal flavors than world politics. She loves fall, Ryan Gosling, the word “squad”, and the definition of “feminism” that really emphasizes white women. She’s not a bad person, but she’s not a great person- she’s the Digiorno’s Pizza of persons.
9.) Meloetta AKA “The Artsy Girl”
Meloetta loves thrift-shopping, minor cultural appropriation, and choker necklaces. She’s skinny, disheveled, and wears the same pair of high-waisted shorts every day because it’s her “aesthetic”. You’ve probably never heard of her favorite music artist because they’re obscure, and her tattoo in Mandarin is so unique there’s no real English translation for it.
10.) Clefairy AKA “The Go-Getter”
Clefairy is the girl who has already done 15 internships. She always has her resume ready, and considers every interaction to be a networking opportunity. She knows what she wants and goes after it, which is admirable but also kind of like- “Do less, girl. You’re making the rest of us look bad.”
11.) Kangaskhan AKA “The Mom”
Kangaskhan is the friend who makes sure you get home alive at the end of the night. She’s uptight and a little judgmental, but she always goes to bat for her friends. She isn’t afraid to fight the creep at the bar, nor is she afraid to call you out when you’re being an asshole.
12.) Vespiquen AKA “The Queen Bee”
Vespiquen is the HBIC and she knows it. She tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Everything is about her. Underneath her Lady Hitler exterior she’s just a deeply insecure baby who is desperate to be in control.
13.) Goregyss AKA “The Girlfriend”
Goregyss is the girl who is incapable of being single. She’s a serial dater with a revolving door of incredibly uninteresting boyfriends named Mike, Alex, John, or Pete. You only hear from her when her boyfriend is out of town, and she’s pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. All in all, she’s the WORST.
14.) Florges AKA “Miss Perfect”
Florges is better than all of us, and she knows it. She’s beautiful, intelligent, rich, graceful-the total package. What’s worse is that you can’t even hate her for it because she’s so goddamn nice! She’s #goals.
15.) Gardevoir AKA “The Feminist”
Gardevoir is socially-conscious and willing to stand up for what she believes in. She’s a feminist with an agenda, and doesn’t take shit from anyone who isn’t as progressive as she is. She may be a bit confrontational, but you can’t help but admire her passion and sense of self.
16.) Illumise AKA “The Performer”
Illumise is that girl always inviting you to her a capella concerts on Facebook. She lives and breathes the performing arts and is an exhibitionist through and through. She may be annoying as hell, but her talent is undeniable.
17.) Nidoqueen AKA “The Jock”
Nidoqueen is your friend on the rowing team who has biceps thicker than your waist. She dedicates all of her free time to lifting weights and eating a shit ton of pasta. You don’t pick fights with her because you value your life.
18.) Deerling AKA “The Freshman”
Deerling is the sweet and entirely naive freshman. She’s a timid goody two-shoes who actually dresses up for class because she hasn’t yet learned how extra that is. Her favorite activity is telling you what her high school was like.
Is this why I'm still single? 