1.) You only know cereals by their store brand name.
“Mini Wheats…Oh you mean *Essential Everyday Spoon Sized Shredded Wheat*
2.) You’d rather walk three miles to the club than pay for an uber.
Okay guys, I know that the club is three miles away, but like it’s so beautiful out tonight (and I REALLY don’t want to have to pay for an uber)
3.) You eat a pre-dinner before you go out for a meal so you don’t have to pay for a fancy entree.
Not only do you get to save money, but you can act like you’re skinnier and have better self-control than all of your binge-eating loser friends.
4.) This is the face you make when someone suggest splitting the bill:
I specifically ordered soup just so I wouldn’t have to spend money. How DARE YOU try and make me chip in for your surf and turf, you piece of communist shit.
5.) You bring your own snacks from home to the movies.
Girl, you think I’m gonna pay $8 for a small popcorn when I can just make my own #OrvilleRedenbacher at home?
6.) Walmart is your Mecca when it comes to groceries, clothing, and every household essential.
There’s something therapeutic about being able to buy your crop tops at the same place you get your Fluffer Nutter.
7.) Your entire wardrobe was DEFINITELY made in a third world sweatshop….and unfortunately, you’re okay with that.
Okay, so like I know this wasn’t made ethically, but it was less than $10, so it’s whatever.
8.) You believe your “presence” is enough of a gift at parties.
“No Katie, I did NOT buy you a gift. My friendship is your gift.”
9.) You’ll go to any event that has free food or booze.
The Westboro Baptist Church is having an all-you-can-eat barbecue in town today? I guess I can put my homosexuality on hold.
10.) You’re not above paying for things in pennies.
The moment we stop letting ourselves pay in pennies is the moment we let John Wilkes Booth win.
11.) You’d die before going to a bar or club with a cover.
How dare they try to make me pay $10 to dance in their shit club? They should be paying ME for all my sweet ass dance moves.
12.) You constantly send reminders and threatening texts to anyone who owes you money on Venmo.
“I don’t care that the coffee was only two dollars, Carol. If you don’t pay me back right now I will drive to your house and burn it to the fucking ground with you and your cat inside.”
13.) Your alcohol contribution to a party is either: Rubinoff, PBR, or a 3 for $15 wine deal.
“I would have just made my own organic Merlot in the toilet, but apparently that’s *frowned upon*”
14.) This is your reaction to someone suggesting a group vacation:
LOL I can barely afford the subway, how the hell you think I’m gonna go to Punta Cana?
Is this why I'm still single? 