Homework just not getting done? In no mood to get out of your bed? Worry not! Just tell yourself these fool-proof excuses!

I Can’t I’m…

  1. tweeting at Roseanne Barr and Aaron Paul.

  2. contemplating becoming a vegan.


  1. collecting paper dolls for my future daughters.

  2. plotting my revenge on Jennie Cottons for beating me in the Daughters of the American Revolution essay contest.

  3. reading the Series of Unfortunate Events in French.


  1. practicing my wedding vows.

  2. waiting for Amazon to deliver my Living Lohan Complete Series on Blu Ray.


  1. going on a date with my bed.

  2. trying to reconnect with some old pen pals.

  3. analyzing Rat Race as a possible BFA thesis.

  4. dining with the Illuminati.

  5. about to turn into an ogre!

  6. waiting for Jennifer Lopez to call me back about ghost writing her memoir.

  7. learning this new trick on Wii Bowling.

  8. planning on getting really drunk, and sending cryptic emojis to my ex.

  9. settling the Paul Newman or Robert Redford debate, once and for all.

  10. arranging marriages all night.

  11. skyping with Haylie Duff.

  12. suing Maggie Smith for stealing my look.

  13. stealing the Declaration of Independence.

  14. trying to stay on Ms. Hathaway’s good side.

  15. recycling.

  16. inventing a new way to brush your teeth.

  17. watching Drumline with my Dad.

  18. cleaning my refrigerator just in case Cribs shows up, again.